“Answer not a fool according to his folly,
Lest you be like him yourself.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest he be wise in his own eyes.”
Proverbs 26:4, 5
Sometimes conversation with others can be frustrating. Have you had those conversations? Your point of view and the other person’s point of view are opposite. It is important to you to come to a resolution with the other person, and yet that resolution seems like a farfetched dream. Your ideas are so opposed to each other.
It is important in these situations to be evaluating what you are saying against the truth of Scripture. These conversations can be about various things. In a marriage it could be about what car to buy. In a friendship it could be where to meet for supper. In a church it could be what color to paint a classroom. These do not seem like difficult conversations, nor do these decisions seem to go with our verse and yet if we look at these situations more closely they do.
Every relationship has challenges and difficulties. We must decide to approach every relationship and every conversation with humility, grace, and truth. If we come into each relationship with pride, we will think the only one with the right opinion is yourself. We will not be open to the opinions of others. If we are listening to the opinions of others and they are contradictory to the truth especially the truth from God’s Word, then we must not answer “the fool according to his folly.” (Prov. 26:4).
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Answer not a fool according to his folly
When a conversation becomes a sword fight, we are answering the fool according to his folly. We are trying to get the win in the verbal battle rather than be on the lookout as to how you can help the other person grow in faith in Christ or come to know the Lord as their personal Savior. If a person is not willing to listen to what you have to say when you are speaking in love and gentleness and only wants to have their own way, we must be willing to let the conversation die and “leave the presence of the fool.” (Prov. 14:7).
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Lest you be like him yourself.
We become like the fool when we willingly enter into the verbal sparring match because we are so determined to make sure the other person knows how wrong they are and how right we are. If we are so determined to make sure the other person knows how right we are so we enter the verbal “boxing ring” and are willing to go 11 rounds just so we can be determined the verbal winner, we have “become like the fool.”
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Answer a fool according to his folly
This is like the “tit for tat.” If you hit me, I’ll hit you back. This is revenge with words. If you said unkind things to me, I will say them back. When we say words that would only come from a fool, then we would also be considered a fool. When we get caught in a verbal sparring match with another and the words or tone of voice that come from our mouth sound no different than the words or tone of voice that are coming from the fool, what would that make us?
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Lest he be wise in his own eyes
The fool that is listening to you utter the same words that he is using will think to himself that he is the wise one. He is listening to his own press and thinking how wise he is. “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (Prov. 17:28). We so often think that we must return word for word in what we consider to be wise words to the other person’s foolish words. Rather, we must keep a guard on our mouths and refuse to enter into the sparring match that the other person so urgently wants to begin.
We must be so concerned about the soul of the other person that we need to not be worried about defending our honor or making sure that our point is heard. What matters is understanding and seeking to help the other person become more like Christ. Sometimes, our honor may be tarnished, but God who knows all is the One that will help to make things right. What we must be concerned about above all is representing Christ well. Sometimes, we must let Christ be the One who makes things right, and we must keep our mouths closed so that He can be the One to do that.
