respect

“Honor” is not a word that we use as much these days. We may use the word respect instead. When we honor something or someone we place a high value on the person or the thing. How do we treat someone with high respect or with honor?

Words

I think the first thing that we can do to treat someone with honor is by what we say about them when we are with that person and most often times when we are not with them. We know the old adage, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” It seems in our culture today, we want to make sure we are heard. We want to make sure our opinion or thoughts are heard. This is an age of constant communication. If I am thinking something, even if I am by myself, hundreds of people will know what I want to say once I put it on a social media forum. No longer do I have to keep my thoughts to myself. They can be broadcast to hundreds, thousands, or millions of people.

Another phrase that I am troubled by regarding our words is “I need to speak my truth.” What does that mean? The facts are the facts. And yet it seems that in our culture today too many people want to live their life by their own version of the truth. If their version of the truth does not agree with another person’s version of the truth, then what do we do? We are seeing this in the impeachment trial of President Trump.

There never seems to be a loss for words these days, but there seems to be a loss of respect a loss of honor for other people with those words.

My dad and my daughter both called me the other day. One right after the other.  As I hung up with my daughter, I began to consider this concept of honor. Ephesians 6:3 says we are to “honor our father and our mother.” I began to think about and consider that my daughters are watching how I treat my parents.

This am reminded of a story from the Brothers Grimm called Grandmother’s Table

Once there was a feeble old woman whose husband died and left her all alone, so she went to live with her son and his wife and their own little daughter. Every day the old woman’s sight dimmed and her hearing grew worse, and sometimes at dinner her hands trembled so badly the peas rolled off her spoon or the soup ran from her cup. The son and his wife could not help but be annoyed at the way she spilled her meal all over the table, and one day, after she knocked over a glass of milk, they told each other enough was enough.

The set up a small table for her in the corner next to the broom closet and made the old woman eat her meals there. She sat all alone, looking with tear-filled eyes across the room at the others. Sometimes they spoke to her while they ate, but usually it was to scold her for dropping a bowl or a fork.

One evening just before dinner, the little girl was busy playing on the floor with her building blocks, and her father asked her what she was making, “I’m building a little table for you and mother,” she smiled, “so you can eat by yourselves in the corner someday when I get big.”

Her parents sat staring at her for some time and then suddenly they both began to cry. That night they led the old woman back to her place at the big table. From then on she ate with the rest of the family, and her son and his wife never seemed to mind a bit when she spilled something every now and then.

Actions

So what does this story say about our actions. Others are watching our actions. We also must honor others with our actions. How do our actions show honor? By inviting others to eat with us. By holding open a door. By letting another go first. By being the one that asked about the welfare of others rather than always waiting for others to ask about ours. By choosing to sit next to that person that seems all alone. By talking to that person that seems alone or always acts a little awkward. By noticing when others need help rather than always waiting to be told. By treating others how we want to be treated. So many ways we can show honor to others.

“Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Rom. 12:10). Do we ever consider how important it would be to have a competition in honoring others? This friendly little competition is not for the sake of looking better than another, but rather it is show honor to others. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do about the other person.

I wonder how many friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, boss-employee relationships, etc. would not disintegrate if we all “died to self” (Luke 9:23, 24) and worked harder at “outdoing each other in showing honor?” (Rom.12:10).

Showing honor is a sacrifice. Sometimes it is a sacrifice of our own needs. It might be a sacrifice to our reputation if we show honor to “the least of these.” (Mt. 25:40). Jesus did not care what others thought as He cared for so many. His goal was to show love and honor to others. He also wanted to make sure that He always spoke the truth. As He spoke the truth, He did so with honor for the other person.

I find that as I make honoring others my goal, it removes my focus off myself and on to others. As I am showing honor and love in a sacrificial way my needs seem to pale in comparison.

So Mom and Dad, when you’re drooling at the dinner table or can’t seem to find your mouth or you spill your water all down the front of you, I promise to clean you up and speak kindly to you. After all, you cleaned up after me when I was a child…and I was a pretty messy one at that.