peace

26
Jul
2023

Strife or Advice

“By insolence comes nothing but strife,

But with those who take advice is wisdom.”

Proverbs 13:10

For those of you that have been reading my blog, you know that I have been listening to books. I have been listening to a bit of a variety of books, but recently have been listening to some historical fiction. I just finished a book about the personal librarian of J.P. Morgan. I didn’t even know that J.P. Morgan had a personal library, which is now open to the public, but to have a personal librarian that did nothing but work for him in his library. As I listened to this book I was struck by a number of things, but the one thing I want to elaborate on today has to do with our verse. J.P. Morgan was a very powerful man with a lot of money. He and his librarian had a dream about what the vision for the library should be. As they hunted down original manuscripts and art work, it had to fit in with this vision. J.P. Morgan trusted his librarian as an expert. He knew that she was doing nothing but devote her life to his library. She was well read and did much to educate herself even to teach herself other languages so she could read the manuscripts she was acquiring to be sure that they were authentic. Even though J.P. Morgan had the money, he trusted his librarian and her skill and knowledge in acquiring the valuable treasures that they obtained.

If at the end of the day, J.P. Morgan did not think that a certain item should be purchased his librarian had to submit to his final decision. On most occasions, J.P. Morgan submitted to her decisions since she was wholly vested in this project.

Imagine if either one of them in their endeavors to accomplish their purpose for the library were insolent or proud and were not interested in the opinion of the other. This would have caused nothing but strife. There would have been no peace and no decision would have been made. Rather, they were willing to take the advice of the other and reach a conclusion.

So often when a decision in our life needs to be made, we tend to only see this decision through our eyes and not through the eyes of anyone else. We only see the steps and the outcomes that we envision, and we don’t think that an outcome will turn out any other way than how we think it will turn out. There are many others that have gone before us that would gladly tell you that they wished they would have sought the advice of another or listened to the advice of another, and now they are stuck in a hard place. They think to themselves, “if only I would have listened…”

When we are proud or insolent, we don’t want to listen to what someone else has to say. We are not eager to glean advice from someone else and if we do seek advice from someone else and we are proud, we think that the other person does not know what they are talking about. This causes strife in the relationship. Do you have a relationship that is tense, full of strife, or you are not on the best terms with that person? Is there a relationship that was once close and now because of something that someone said to you caused you to retreat from the relationship because you didn’t like the advice that was given? The relationship might still be intact, but is it superficial?

God gave people into our lives for relationship. He gave us people to help us through life. If we think we know everything and don’t need to listen to advice from others especially our parents or those that are older than us, we will continue to cause conflict in our relationships. There will be strife with others.

What is the conclusion we must make from this Proverb for our lives. Be willing to listen. Be willing to ask questions when someone gives you advice and you don’t understand why they said what they said. Be willing to ponder over the relationship and take into account the care, love, and concern the speaker has for you. Too often we are blind to what others see; we have blind spots in our lives. Just like a driver who may have a blind spot when driving, so we have blind spots in our lives and need to heed the advice of others so we don’t miss out on wise counsel. When we are unwilling to listen, there will be strife in a relationship and we will miss out on the wisdom that will help us better live out God’s purpose in our lives.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
24
May
2023

Pot-stirrer or Peacemaker?

Hatred stirs up strife

But love covers all offenses

Proverbs 10:12

 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “that person is a pot-stirrer?”  The person being referred to in the saying usually creates chaos in their wake. They go to a family gathering, a party, or a co-worker and what ensues after being with them is disagreements, shouting matches, or strained relationships. After being in the presence of the pot-stirrer, one often leaves feeling hurt, misunderstood, or offended. They give off a sense of uneasiness. Other people are never quite sure of what they are going to get when they are in the presence of said “pot-stirrer.”

Why do you suppose that the “pot-stirrer” is like this? Why do they like to create drama and stress in the situations and relationships in their lives? Proverbs 10:12 tells us. They have hatred in their hearts. Rather than see others as people to love and cherish, they see others as a means to an end. These “pot-stirrers” are self-centered and want to always be the center of the conversation, the party, the family gathering, or the work environment. When they are not getting what they want, they create drama through gossip, arguments, or other attention getting measures so that the attention goes from others to them.

The opposite of hatred is love.  These lovers are peacemakers. They are the kindest people you ever wanted to meet. They see the best in every situation and are always looking for ways to encourage others and love them. They see the best in every situation and even when provoked they return with kind and considerate words. Their tone of voice is always gentle and their eyes sparkle with care and joy when in the presence of anyone. They always make you feel like you are the most important person in the room and when you leave their presence you feel lighter and have a smile on your face and a lilt in your step.

I remember a conversation I had with someone that lived out “love covers all offenses.” As we were talking, I was relating a mistake that I had made and the effect that it had on what we were working on. By the time we were finished talking, the kind lady made me feel like the error I had made was actually her error. I knew that it was me that had done the wrong, but I walked away feeling refreshed and joyful. I purposed after that to stop seeing every error not from my perspective but from the other person’s perspective. To give grace instead of humiliation in the presence of others that had committed a wrong or an offense.

When we determine to cover an offense, we breathe life into the relationship. We breathe life into the other person. We communicate through our actions that we love the other person and do not condemn them for the wrongs they have committed. I am not saying that when a crime is committed that we pretend the crime wasn’t committed and let the criminal keep carrying out their crimes. This does not show them love. This allows them to continue down a path of destruction.  This is not helpful for the individual.  There needs to be punishment for the crime, but their does not need to be bitterness over the crimes of the past.

What kind of person are you? Would your friends or family members call you a “pot-stirrer” or a peacemaker? Do you create chaos in your wake or do others feel encouraged when leaving your presence? Do others feel refreshed after being in your presence or do they feel like you always suck the wind out of their sails?

I have been in the presence of both of these kinds of people, and at the end of the day I want to be a peacemaker. I want to be the person that refreshes those that have spent time with me.

Hatred or love. Stirring or covering. Strife or peace.

The choice is up to you.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
03
May
2023

Peace or Distress?

Have you ever said about yourself or about someone else, “that was a dumb mistake?” When we look at another’s life, we easily can see what decision they should have made. When we look at our own lives we tend to be clouded in our judgement in the midst of a decision. Later on, when we look over the same situation, we say, “what was I thinking?”

Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 have quite the contrast between wisdom and folly. In the midst of the scene that is set for us in Proverbs 7, the young man that is mentioned would not say in the moment, “this is a dumb mistake.” Rather, he is being led along by his fleshly desires.

Proverbs 7 sets the scene for the forbidden woman. These characteristics that are laid out for us can apply to many different foolish decisions that we make.

This scene in Proverbs 7 is set at night. Jesus said in John 3:19 “…men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil.” Foolishly, we think that if we participate in satisfying our fleshly desires in the dark or at night, they will less likely be seen. However, God is not blinded by darkness. “For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” (John 3:20).

The characteristics that define this forbidden woman are smooth/flattering words (7:5), wiley of heart (7:10), wayward (7:11), not a keeper at home (7:11), lies in wait for her victims (7:12), has a form of godliness (7:14), seductive (7:16, 17), illicit means of satisfying her fleshly desires (7:18), and plots and plans her deception (7:19, 20).

The key here is deception or lies. She wants the simple to believe the same lies that she believes. The more someone else believes her lies, the better she gets at telling them. These principles do not just apply to a man that is being seduced into an adulterous relationship with a woman.

These principles can also be applied to a woman that is being seduced by her sin. We all have desires that we are trying to get satisfied. We believe the lie that our desires must be satisfied and we must do whatever it takes to have our desires satisfied.

Proverbs 8 is the contrast to Proverbs 7 and shows us the characteristics of wisdom. The words that a wise person uses are wise and understanding words. These words that wisdom desires to share are not hidden or spoken in secret. “Wisdom cries aloud in the heights, beside the way, at the crossroads, beside the gates, and at the entrance of the town.” (Proverbs 8:1, 2).

The words of the wise seek to educate the simple or those they are with (8:5). The wise also speak words of truth and righteousness (8:7, 8).

So the contrast between those that are walking on the path of foolishness vs. the path of wisdom is seen in our actions and our words. Underlying all of these are our thoughts. What thoughts are you thinking?  I will do whatever needs to be done so that my desires can be satisfied. The adulterous woman has a form of godliness (“I offered my sacrifices” Prov. 7:14) making others think that she is a good woman when in reality she is covering the sin in her heart with outward actions that are a form of godliness.

The way of the wise do not hide the truth. They are willing to tell whoever will listen to them what the truth is.

What thoughts characterize your life? Are you seeking to satisfy your desires and believing lies or are you searching for the truth? Wisdom does not hide what it thinks, but the deceived tell things in secret. What is the result of listening to folly? You will injure yourself. Foolish choices produce injury and impact someone for the rest of their life. Wise choices give us life and produce fruit in our life that begets more wise choices.

The young man that went the way of the adulterous will find it easier the next time to turn onto her path. The person who tells one lie will find it easier the next time to tell a lie. The person who drinks alcohol or looks at pornography or whatever foolish choice will find it easier to go down that path again. The more sin we commit the more deceived we are into thinking this is the only way my desires will be satisfied. Rather than experiencing peace and satisfaction we will experience disharmony, agitation, and distress.

Those that choose the path of wisdom will continue to follow that path because the wise choices bring peace. Wisdom begets life, peace, joy, and favor from the Lord.

Are you experiencing peace or discontentment? Are the choices that you are making producing life or causing you injury?

“And now, O sons, listen to me: blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise and do not neglect it. Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates and waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord, but he who fails to find me injures himself and all who hate me love death.” (Proverbs 8:32-26).

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
01
Mar
2023

Peace, Favor, Straight Paths, Healing, and Refreshment

I have two favorite Proverbs, Proverbs 3 and Proverbs 31.  I often pray Proverbs 3: 1-9 for people, but my aspirations is to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 3 lived out in life is certainly an avenue to become like the Proverbs 31 woman.

I like prescriptions and procedures. Don’t you? When you are reading an article or a blog, are we not all drawn to the steps toward a certain goal? I typed into Google “steps to a new you.” The 1st three listed were “5 steps to a new you,” 10 steps to a new you,” and “15 steps to a new you.”  I would much prefer only to have to do 5 steps and I can become a new me.

Proverbs is like a handbook that tells us how to be wise and not to be foolish. Proverbs is the steps we need to be wise, in essence to be a new you. If you do not follow what Proverbs says about becoming wise, then you will be foolish.

Do you want a new you? Do you want a better you? Do you want a you that brings glory to God? Let’s see what Proverbs 3 says about how to be that person. What we are going to see may seem repetitive to what we have already seen in Proverbs 1, 2. The thing about repetition is that we know that if the same thing is said over and over again, we know it must be important.

“My son (or daughter), do not forget my teaching, and let your heart keep my commandments. For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you” (Proverbs 3:1, 2).

Let’s look at four things that we can have when we follow God’s path for our lives.

  1. Long and peaceful life

Do you want a long life? Do you want a peaceful life? According to Proverbs 3:1 in order to have a long and peaceful life, we need to remember and keep or live out the wise teaching God has given us: wisdom in His word, wisdom from wise parents, and wisdom from those that have lived life according to God’s Word.

  1. Favor and good success in the sight of God and man

According to Proverbs 3:2 steadfast love and faithfulness will provide us favor and good success. There are many relationships that have conflict. There is not a day that goes by that many of us do not experience conflict with family, friends, co-workers, customers, etc. How do we avoid these points of conflict or how do we effectively work through them? Show love to others and be faithful to God’s Word. If we live in relationship with others selfishly, we will have many points of conflict.

I am currently reading a book about being a peacemaker. (The Peacemaker by Ken Sande). He talks about four principles that we need to use in the midst of a conflict.

  1. Glorify God
  2. Get the log out of your own eye
  3. Gently restore
  4. Go and be reconciled

These principles are the principles that Solomon was trying to help us understand in this Proverb. How do we have favor and good success with God and man? Have steadfast love and be faithful. In other words, show others love and be faithful to God and His word.

  1. He will make straight your paths

How do we have straight paths? “Trust in the Lord with your whole heart” When we trust in the Lord and various events happen in life, no matter how difficult they are, we trust the Lord and “do not lean on our own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5). So many circumstances happen in our lives and we look at these things and think, “why did God let this happen to me? This isn’t fair. I didn’t deserve this to happen to me. I have been obeying God’s word and living life according to what God has to say, and now this happened to me. I have been so kind to this person and showing them such love, and they treat me like this. I don’t deserve that. Why did this accident happen? Why this diagnosis?”

You could add so many more things to this list of things that don’t seem fair. What God wants us to understand is that even though it seems like difficult things happen, when “we trust God and we acknowledge Him in all of our ways,”  “our path will be straight.”  What we want to do is “lean on our own understanding.” Leaning on our own understanding, makes the way that we are on crooked. In our own understanding the way does seem crooked, but when we trust God our path is straight. Every circumstance that comes into our lives is meant to reveal what is in our hearts. These circumstances are meant to reveal the kind of person that we are.

  1. “It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:8)

Have you ever not felt well, especially your stomach, related to stress or anxiety or depression? Many times we have our stomach in knots or feel nauseated because of the things that are happening in our lives. We are trying to solve the problems that we have or deal with the difficult relationships that we have or make a decision that we need to make based on our own understanding, based on our human wisdom. The fear of the Lord is the main theme of the book of Proverbs. The opposite of fearing the Lord is being wise in our own eyes. If we do not fear the Lord in all areas of our lives, we are being wise in our own eyes.

What happens when we are “wise in our own eyes?”  We seek out people that will agree with us on a decision, a problem, or how we handle a difficult relationship and they will give us the same advice that we want to hear. We consider this to be validation of what we think. What about when we are trying to make a decision or solve a problem and we pray about it, and decide we have peace from the Lord and it coincides with what we want? Does this peace we are experiencing actually come from the Lord?

Ken Sande in the Peacemaker says “You won’t be helped by people who are likely to tell you what they think you want to hear (II Tim 4:3). Therefore, be sure you turn to people who will love you enough to be honest with you.” (p. 40)

How many people say that their life verse is Proverbs 3:5, 6 and yet when you look at their life, you don’t say a life of faith in God? Rather you see a life that is living by their own understanding and wisdom. If you are not sure the path you are on, seek out wise people and ask them. Don’t ask those that will agree with you, ask those who love you enough to be honest with you. Once you are on the right path you will experience peace, favor, straight paths, and healing.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com, 0 comments
01
Jul
2020
And above all

And above all

 

I haven’t written a blog post in a while. So much is happening in our country and everyone has such a wide variety of opinions about all that is happening. Of course, I have my opinion too. I hope we all do. Most importantly, I hope that we are able to engage each other in a peaceful conversation whether we agree or not and try to understand the perspective of the other. As I watch the rioting and the looting and rhetoric that continues to plague our country, I keep thinking about two words – RESPECT and PEACE.

As a little girl, I grew up in a predominantly white community. We were very poor and were even on food stamps for a while so we could have food to eat. I just learned this week that my grandparents even paid our rent for six months. I remember how hard my dad worked and how much we struggled, but that did not negate any of the values that we were taught. Just because we were so poor, it did not mean I was ever allowed to be disrespectful to anyone. Just because we were poor did not mean that we were not taught the value of work. Just because we were poor did not mean that someone owed us anything. 

No one owed us anything. We had to work for it.

I was never taught that someone’s skin color meant anything other than they were different than me. The song I learned as a child keeps going through my head “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red, and yellow, black, and white; they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

I not only learned this as a child but I internalized it. Jesus loves all people and therefore so should I.

As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children. God loves all people and so should we.

The part of all these demonstrations that is disturbing is the vandalism that is taking place. Our country has given us the freedom to protest. Our country is a country of the people, by the people, and for the people. We have the freedom to let our voices be heard. This is a wonderful freedom that we enjoy.

What has gone terribly wrong with these protests is the disrespect that has come from them. Disrespect does not breed respect. Two wrongs do not make a right. If someone wants to be respected, they must also show respect.

If we want to experience peace, we must pursue peace.

When I see protesters yelling at police men/women, I want to ask what they think they are accomplishing. When vandals run through stores looting and setting things on fire, does that make the shop owners want to stay in those areas?

The other thought that keeps running through my mind is a question that Jesus asked, “Whoever is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…” (John 8:7).

None of us are perfect. We have all committed wrongs. There needs to be justice, and this needs to be balanced with grace. I don’t know where the balance is. Sometimes there needs to be more grace given and sometimes there needs to be more justice applied. The problem we are seeing today with the looting and the rioting is that the mobs are not seeking peace, rather they are taking justice into their own hands. When the people take justice into their own hands, there is no restrictions and no boundaries. It is chaos. When a police officer steps out of bounds and does the wrong thing, there is justice.

My heart grieves for all who have lost their lives during this time of turmoil. So many senseless deaths. I am saddened that George Floyd died and the means by which he died. Since his death more than five people have died, countless have been injured, and millions of dollars’ worth of property has been damaged.  Is this the answer to the problem? Do more wrongs make it right?

I grew up learning that hard work and respecting others was something to be valued. Are these no longer important values? I believe that we need to get back to what is important.

Respect.

Peace.

Life.

All life.

Love others and treat others as we want to be treated.

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” (Col. 3:14, 15).

 

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
27
May
2020

And the Peace of God…

I planted my garden this week. It is exciting to think about all the plants and seeds I planted and all the harvest we will be able to enjoy in the weeks and months to come. It is with eager anticipation, I walk out to my garden each day and look for the seedlings to emerge from the soil. Those few weeks of waiting for the seeds to appear is always a test in my patience. Will the seedlings actually appear? Once they do appear will the bugs or the deer eat them all?

There is one guarantee in this whole process. If I plant bean seeds, bean seedlings will appear. If I plant corn seeds, corn seedlings will appear.

We like to have guarantees. We like to know the outcome of things. We like control.

That is not the age that we are currently living in though, is it? Times are uncertain. The future is uncertain. We do not know exactly how this current crises will affect our health, our jobs, our economy, or our lives.

I have been looking at Philippians 4 over the last few weeks, and have been challenged in my walk with the Lord as I have meditated on these truths. I have found real encouragement in the truths of Scripture and I feel the need to share this knowledge with those of you who want to read what I learn. Thank-you for reading and learning with me.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Phil. 4:6, 7)

We looked last week at Philippians 4:6 and being anxious for NOTHING. The rest of the verse says we should take everything to the Lord and be thankful for it.

It is hard to be thankful for the hard situations in life: Covid-19, stay home orders, loss of job or wages, not being able to see family and friends, sickness, and even death. But yet, have you ever thought that God has given us a prescription for life?

The prescription and the result of following the prescription are given to us.

The prescription:

  1. Be anxious for Nothing
  2. But in everything by prayer and supplication-take everything to the Lord
  3. With thanksgiving
  4. Let your requests be made known to God

The result:

  1. The peace of God which surpasses all understanding
  2. Will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus

 

How many of us thrive on strife? How many of us like the feeling of being anxious? God has given us the prescriptions of what we need to do so we can experience peace.

The troubles of tomorrow may not come, so why do we allow ourselves to be anxious about them?  If we do have a concern, we need to pray about it and be thankful for what God will do in the situation.

The best part of all of this is that the results are predictable. If we do what God says we will get predictable results. Just like in my garden when I plant corn seeds, I will get corn to come up. Don’t we like to know what we are going to get when we invest in something?

If we follow what God tells us to do in Philippians 4:6, we will reap the benefits that God told us about in Philippians 4:7.

Do we not want peace?

This peace is so amazing it is beyond what we can understand. We will sit back in our seats and be amazed at the peace we are experiencing because we followed God’s prescription.

The verse does not just say that we will get peace, but it also says that our hearts and minds will be guarded. What is it guarded against? If we follow the prescription, we will be guarded or protected from those feelings or thoughts of anxiety.

This result all happens in Christ Jesus.

So will you follow this prescription? No one said it’s going to be easy. Working in my garden isn’t easy, but I do so love the results. I know that there have been hard things in your life that you have done and when you finished, did you like the results?

So in the midst of all the mixed messages we are receiving daily in the news, be thankful. Pray for our leaders that they will be wise. Use these opportunities to teach your children. Show them how to live in a time of uncertainty. Then show them what the peace of God looks like.

 

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments