mom

14
Jun
2023

Safety from Falls

Where there is no guidance, a people falls,

But in an abundance of counselors there is safety

Proverbs 11:14

One of the opportunities that I have had the privilege to be a part of is raising puppies for Leader Dogs for the Blind. We have had the opportunity to raise 5 dogs and 2 of them have gone on to assist those that are vision impaired have more freedom as these dogs have become the “eyes” for these individuals. It was a wonderful opportunity to be a part of this very worthwhile endeavor. Many have asked us if we will do this again, and I always answer that I don’t know. I would love to do it again, but life has been full.

These dogs are guides for people that are vision impaired so that they do not fall. Our verse today from Proverbs is not talking about the physical act of walking, but it is referring to the living of one’s life. When we live life, there are many decisions that one must make as we go through life. There is not one decision that is made in life that there is not someone who has an opinion about that decision.

We live in the information age. We can “Google” anything. The word “google” refers to 10 to the 100th power. In other words, an unfathomable number. When we “google” something we get an unfathomable number of hits that come up with a solution to our “problem.”

Scripture is not referring to us googling something to find the answer to our problem. It is also not referring to a dog guiding us when we cannot see.

Scripture is referring to wise people. When we are faced with a decision in life, who do we go to in order to assist us in making a wise choice? Our verse says that when we have a decision to make and we do not seek wise guidance in said decision, we fall. When a blind person does not heed the direction of their guide dog, they will fall. What happens when we fall? We are injured. We skin up our knees or break a bone.

So it is when we have a decision to make and we do not seek wise counsel, we suffer some type of consequence for a poor choice. There are some major choices in life that are made and it is the wise person that seeks wise counsel in relation to these choices. How many times have we heard someone say, “I prayed about this and felt like the Lord was directing me…” Yet, when we look at Scripture we can see a clear directive that contradicts the choice the person was making. They were not seeking the Lord’s direction, they were seeking their own desires and put the stamp “I prayed about it” on their decision.

I recently listened to the book “The Power of Who” by Bob Beaudine, and in it he talks about having a “personal board of directors.” This board of directors is your personal abundance of counselors that this Proverb refers to. So often we take the path that leads to failure because this path is well worn and often this path offers the least amount of resistance in the moment. Many times we cannot see the forest for the trees as the famous saying goes. We need others that can see the path of our lives more clearly than we can see it. They have lived life longer than we have. Our board of directors usually knows us better than we know ourselves. Many of the decision we make involve our emotions, and our emotions are good at playing tricks on us.

So who should make up or “board of directors” or our “abundance of counselors?”

  1. Dad/Mom- who knows you better than your parents? They raised you and most parents have their children’s best interest at heart. They know things about you that you do not know about yourself. They see you and know your strengths and your weaknesses. They have lived life longer than you have and know you best. Your parents always have an opinion about the choices you make and as a general rule they would love to give you their opinion. Ask them for it and then listen to what they have to say. I don’t always like the things my dad has to say, but he has proven to be wise throughout my life the more humble I have gotten in listening to him. “Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Eph. 6:2, 3). When you honor your parents, God promised that it would go well with you. Do you want life to go well? Honor your parents and seek their wisdom. (Bob Beaudine said this was #1 in his book “The Power of Who”)
  2. Mate – If you are married, your mate also knows you well. Not only this, but every decision you make effects your mate. What job you take, how you raise the children, where to live, what car or house to buy, etc. Many decisions that we make in life effect our mates. We should always seek their counsel when making a decision and seek to make these major decision together. When a couple is married, they can together go their parents and seek their counsel for a decision that needs to be made.
  3. Your Pastor – what a blessing it is to be a part of a church family that helps us walk through life. Your pastor, Sunday school teacher, or wise mentor would love to give you wise counsel in the decisions that you make. They have spent much time counseling people and they have seen good choices and poor choices. These people will seek to give advice according God’s Word.
  4. Friends – our friends also know us well. They may have recently gone through a similar situation so they can tell you what they did and the impact that decision had on them.

From all of these people, we have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. How many of us wish we could have a “do-over?” I do. There are many things I wish I could “do-over.” So when someone asks me my opinion about something, I am going to first go to Scripture for principles that will guide the decision, and then I will draw on my bank of experiences and share the things that I did well or the things I wish I could have done differently.

Wise is the person who willingly seeks advice and counsel from others. Foolish is the person who makes a rash life altering decision without seeking the advice of others. Humility is a necessary ingredient in seeking the advice of others. For in so doing we will either fall or be safe.

The guide dogs I raised have a very valuable person at the end of the leash. They have great responsibility and will lead their person to fall or be safe. Will you choose to seek wise counsel in the decisions you make? Will you allow your “abundance of counselors” or “board of directors” to assist you in making wise choices? Safety or injury is at the end of the line. Don’t be fooled into thinking that bad things won’t happen to you, or there is no immediate crash after a decision. Some decisions do not reap the negative consequences until later in life.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
20
Oct
2021
Fall season of Mothering

Fall season of Mothering

One of the reasons I enjoy living in Michigan is the various seasons we get to enjoy. Granted there are times when it feels like from day-to-day that we could experience every season in one day. Snow in the morning and t-shirt weather in the afternoon. I think there are many other parts of the world that probably experience this same phenomenon.

This year I was very excited about my garden and planting it. We put up a new fence so the deer could no longer pillage my produce when it was ready for me to pick. We also buried the fence so the woodchuck could not dig his way underneath. It has been a joy this year to be able to go out to the garden and pick berries, green beans, corn, tomatoes, peas, cucumbers, zucchini, squash, and potatoes. The summer season of gardening and picking produce has been a wonderful thing. I feel so much healthier having eaten my way through my garden these last few months. Every day when I go out to the garden, I am greeted by the sunflowers. The bees are busy on them and the sunflowers have happily turned their faces to the sun.

As my garden begins to slow down its production and we turn our eyes to the joys of fall with pumpkins and cooler temperatures, I am reminded of the season of life that I am entering. I feel like it’s the fall season of my mothering. I have been entering this season for a while. Our oldest daughter left for her first year of college 6 years ago and our youngest daughter left for her senior year of college in August. The days of having one of our children under our roof is coming to a close.

I am thankful for these college years, these years of transition. They give me time to adjust to having no kids at home. To being needed in a different way. To being a mom in a different way.

I am no longer on the field. I am no longer on the sidelines passing out orange slices and juice boxes. For most days, I am not even in the bleachers.

My days are no longer planned around game schedules, practice schedules, piano lessons, work schedules…

So how do you mother well in this season, this fall season? The same basic things that were important when they were young continue to be important today. That has been what has helped me to transition.

  1. Daily time spent alone with God in His Word and in prayer. This has been the Rock that helped me through the other seasons so now that we have moved on, it should not change. No matter what season you are in, time with God in His Word and prayer is a non-negotiable.
  2. My identity is not found in being the mom of my daughters. My identity is found in Christ. This identity never changes and will never change. It will never go through a different season. Rather I will always be who God says I am: Adopted, redeemed, forgiven, and His Workmanship (His poetic Masterpiece).
  3. Be available. When they call answer the phone and make time to talk. I learned this from my mom. No matter when, she always answered and made time for my phone call.
  4. Time together in person is best. Phone calls to check in and hear each other’s voice is also a great way to stay connected. Now that we are in a new technology era, a text to let our kids know we are praying for them or just checking in when they are busy lets them know we are thinking of them. As nice as technology is though, it doesn’t replace spending time together or talking to each other.
  5. Another thing I have committed to is sending letters. Every week while my girls were in college, I have sent them a letter. Usually, my letters were filled with information they might already know, but it’s nice to get a letter and see that familiar handwriting. Knowing that someone on the other end thought enough to sit down and put pen to paper and write a note. My older girls still get letters, but not as often.
  6. Our middle daughter recently had surgery. I was thankful that my schedule was such that I could be there for surgery and take her freezer meals for when she was back to work. It was nice to be available and assist her.
  7. Keep looking for ways to serve and love others. Were there times when someone helped you out? Be that someone for another.
  8. Love your husband well. He has often taken 2nd, 3rd, 4th place while your kids were small. What can you do now that will show him that you love him?
  9. Keep loving your parents well. As your children were growing up, your parents and your husband’s parents may have taken a back seat. How can you love your parents well? We are commanded to “honor your father and mother.” (Eph. 6:2). There is no time frame for this verse. At every stage of life, we are to honor our father and mother.

 

No matter the individual, we are to “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31). In this season when life is changing and transitioning, be a student of others and learn to love others well. Our children are always watching us and learning from us. They are watching how we go through this stage because some day, they will go through it too. Just because our kids are out of the house, does not mean they stop watching how we live life. We are always an example to them, whether good or bad. Strive to honor God in all areas of your relationships and be open to those that may have a word of constructive criticism for you, even if it is your kids. After all, they are the ones who know you best.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
30
Oct
2019

Where are your eyes?

As a Mom, there are so many different places we need to keep focused. We watch our children grow through different stages, and as they do they need us to focus on different things. We must keep our eyes on a myriad of things. As babies, we make sure they get enough sleep, enough to eat, stay healthy, stay warm or cool, get enough stimulation but not too much.

Then they start moving. First, they are rolling over, then scooting, then crawling, and then very proudly walking. It was so nice in those early days of motherhood to set the baby down and know that when we looked back at them, they were still in the same spot. Once they start moving, we gain eyes in the back of our heads. If we did not, there would sure be many more accidents. Those eyes in the back of our heads are certainly a unique and necessary feature for every mom.

I believe another very important place for us as moms to keep our eyes is on the Lord. II Chronicles 20 talks about Jehoshaphat’s prayer to the Lord when he was threatened by more than one nation coming against him and the children of Israel. There was an invasion of more than one enemy coming against Israel and Jehoshaphat cried out to the Lord, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (II Chron. 20:12).

I don’t know about you, but I have been at this place in my life more than once. I did not know what to do.

It seems there are only 2 choices. Have our eyes on the Lord or not.

In the midst of the crises, in the mist of the storm, in the midst of the peace after the storm; where are our eyes?

Think about our children. We watch them and vigilantly keep track of them to make sure they are safe and taken care of. When they learn to crawl and walk, it is hard work for them. They try, they fall, they try, and then they crawl and then they walk.

Do we keep our eyes on them? Do we stop the learning process or just make sure they don’t tumble down a flight of stairs? We don’t stop watching them, and they don’t stop trying.

What do those sweet children of ours do when they fall and they hurt themselves? They have their eyes on us. They know that we are there and will comfort them even through the pain of the scratched knee.

When Jehoshaphat as the leader of this country did not know what to do, “his eyes (and those of the people) were on the Lord.”

We must teach our children that through the good days and through the days of crises, we must keep our eyes on the Lord. He has not taken His eyes off us. Why do we take our eyes off the Lord in the midst of the crises? Do we really think that we can solve the crises better than the Creator of the World?

I don’t know where you are or what situation you are in.  You may feel as if all the enemies of the world are pointing their swords toward you, and you don’t know what to do. Do what Jehoshaphat did, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (II Chron. 20:12)

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 1 comment
08
May
2019

One of my Steps in Parenting

Parenting isn’t something we should just wing and hope for the best. Parenting needs to be intentional not just when we feel like it, but many ore times when we don’t. One of the major stepping stones in our parenting journey began once we announced our pregnancy.

God’s Timing

What a great day it was when we finally could announce to the world that we were pregnant. We had waited for longer than I wanted to wait.  I still don’t know if I have learned that lesson that God was trying to teach me. I still long for things to happen in my timing rather than trusting in God’s perfect timing. As I write these words, I have had many different thoughts flow through my mind. How many times have I knelt in prayer and asked God about His timing. Many times.

We waited for God’s timing and on the day that God decided the timing was right, we became pregnant. I remember those days as I was so nauseated and felt so miserable, and yet there was so much joy. I think that is the only time in my life that I have been happy to be sick. It was miserable, but I knew it would be worth it in the end.

What am I going to do?

Then we started thinking about being parents. I didn’t know the first thing about being a mom. How was I going to take care of this helpless infant that needed me for every aspect of life? That was a responsibility that was daunting and overwhelming. I didn’t want to mess this precious little one up. I could either mess their life up completely or set them on a trajectory that would help them throughout life.

So I started to read. I had a friend recommend to me a series of books by Gary and Ann Marie Ezzo titled “Preparation for Parenting”  Back over 20 years ago, there were cassette tapes that we listened to and a book that we read. Now there are videos to watch along with the book.

A welcome addition

These books helped me to understand the needs of a baby in a way that I had never been taught. One of the biggest premises of this book is that “Children are a welcome addition to our families.” Too often when babies are born, our lives change focus and with good reason. These little ones need us. These little ones are helpless and can do nothing without us. It is with good reason that our lives change and our focus changes. However, too many parents have gone overboard with this and their children become the center of their world and not a welcome addition.

A schedule is a beautiful thing

The second thing this book taught me was that babies do better with a schedule. When we put our babies on a schedule, they learn to sleep through the night faster. Isn’t that what all new moms want and need? More sleep. The schedule is a feed-wake-sleep schedule. It is much easier to plan a day if we know what the schedule for the babies is going to be.

With the help of Gary and Ann Marie Ezzo, I felt much more sure of myself as a mom and felt like maybe I might be able to care for our baby.

I am so thankful for my good friend who introduced me to this material, and I am thankful for Gary and Marie Ezzo and their willingness to put this material together and help so many parents across the country.

They also have a simpler version called “On Becoming Babywise” I highly recommend the audio along with the books, but if time is of the essence this shorter book will also help you understand the principles. With our oldest daughter graduating from college last weekend, I am so thankful for the foundational principles we started with so many years ago.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
19
Mar
2019

The Mom Option

My story

I remember standing in my bedroom in front of my desk when I was in high school, and having this thought, “I don’t think I can be a very good mom if I decide to go to school to be a medical doctor. I think I will go to school to be a nurse.” So I went to school to be a nurse. Granted, I had considered also being a teacher, but at this stage of my life I couldn’t explain how to cross the street so teaching did not seem like an idea of a good time.

My mom was a stay-at-home-mom, and that seemed to me to be the only way I could be a good mom. Granted, I did not want to stay home and be barefoot and pregnant for 20 years. I kind had it figured in the back of my head that once I sent the sweet little bundles of joy off to school, I would re-enter the job market and have a career. So I continued to prepare for this moment.

A few years into our marriage, I went back to school to get a Masters in Nursing.

Shortly after I started my Masters, my husband told me he was ready to start a family. I was far from ready. I wanted to finish my degree and maybe even get a job with my new found level of education. No part of me wanted to be pregnant and have a baby that I was responsible for. The dog at that time was enough.

Doesn’t God know us better than we know ourselves? Not long after that conversation and with graduation in the near future, I told my husband I was ready to have a baby.

God’s Story

So I waited. Then I prayed. And I still waited.

Pretty soon my good friend who had gone to school to be a medical doctor called to tell me she was pregnant. I asked the Lord how come I couldn’t get pregnant. I had given up on a dream to be a doctor so I could be a mom.

Now my friend was going to be doctor and a mom. Life seemed so unfair. So I struggled with the Lord. Spent much time in prayer and pleading.

Five months later, God in His goodness allowed me to get pregnant. I know many have struggled with a much longer wait. Many have struggled and still have not become pregnant. I cannot understand that depth of hurt and struggle.

I do know God gave me a test. It seems that all the tests I had taken to get through nursing school and grad school were acceptable, but a test from God…Don’t we question what He is doing?

So I became a mom after I graduated from grad school. I was a master’s prepared mom. My babies did not seem to care how much education I had. All they cared about was if I was going to meet their needs.

God’s Plan

You may be struggling with if you are ever going to get pregnant. God has a plan. He may be testing you. God may be reminding you that His timing is better than your timing. He may also have you on this road for a long time.

What I know is that God loves us. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but sometimes those desires are not what He sees as the best desires.

Share your story. Share the burden of your heart and let others help you carry it. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus and let Him carry it. After all, He loves you so much He sent His son for you.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com, 0 comments
12
Mar
2019

A New Chapter, Not an Emtpy Nest

Have you started a new chapter in your life, only it feels empty and without any words?  Are you staring at the refrigerator and wondering when it will be full again?  Are you listening for the car in the driveway, the close of the front door, and the laughter from the other room?  Do you miss those late night conversations, when all you want to do is sleep?  Join me on my journey as I walk this road I have never walked before. Let’s figure this out together.

Not that long, my husband Dave and I announced to the world that we were expecting our first baby.  At least to us it does not seem that long. Now 22 years later, we are about to watch her graduate from college and a month later get married. It doesn’t seem possible that I have raised this young lady from a tiny helpless infant into a strong young lady who is now ready to begin her own family.  Yet, I keep asking myself what did I expect?  We don’t have these sweet little ones so they can stay under our roof and be hermits for the duration of their lives.  Rather, we have them so they can enrich our lives and the lives of those they meet. Our 3 beautiful daughters have enriched our lives and the many that they meet.

Our youngest daughter joined her sisters at Cedarville University this year.  Yes, we have 3 in college this year.  It is nice they are at the same place. It is easy to visit them.  The difficult challenge for me has been that since I home schooled all 3 of them, my life has been these girls. Thus, a new chapter of my life has begun.

It has been an adjustment for me to not have anyone to take care of, and yet there have been times that I have enjoyed the change in responsibilities. It has been with mixed emotions, I got out of bed many days when they were first gone.  I scheduled lunches with friends every day for the first 2 weeks. I had not eaten lunch by myself in over 20 years. Dave was home for supper so that was nice. Then, I traveled with Dave for business to China for two weeks.

It seems to have been a whirlwind since then.  I have traveled to see the girls at Cedarville, celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. Traveled to see my parents in St. Martin then went on a cruise with Dave. I also picked up a job working as a home health care nurse. My year has been full. There has been spring break and another spring break to go. Easter break. Graduation. Everyone home for a month. The WEDDING.

This has been a full year, a good year, and a year of change

BUT, I am dreading next year. I planned so well for this year.  What will next year hold?

And at this point, God reminded me that this is where faith comes in.  God is so ready to write the pages of my life, to draw the pictures that my daughters will look at, so much of life to live what have I to fear?  What have I to dread?

Join me as I walk this new road, watch God write this new chapter, and live these years that I never dreamed about as a young girl.  What will be next?

For more information about me join me on my home page at http://www.dannadykema.com/

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Next Chapter, 0 comments