“A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
But the mouths of fools pour out folly.
A gentle tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:1, 2, 4
The tongue is often the topic of Proverbs. Proverbs 15 starts off reminding us that the tongue is a powerful instrument. James likens the tongue in Chapter 3 to a horse’s bridle, a ship’s rudder, and a fire. These things seem so small and yet they are powerful instruments. A horse’s bridle weighs about 2 pounds, and a horse weighs 900 to 1200 pounds. A ship’s rudder is about 1/100 the size of the boat. A fire starts with just a spark, but can cause catastrophic damage.
Small things that control big things.
The tongue is about 3 inches. Yet, its power is great. James says the tongue is as powerful as a bridle, a rudder, and a fire. Proverbs says that the tongue can turn away wrath, stir up anger, break a spirit, or be like a tree of life. The tongue has great power.
The tongue does not have a mind and a will of its own. Rather, a tongue only does what our brain and our hearts tells it to do. If we are eating an ice cream cone, our brains tell our tongues to lick. If our brain is telling our tongues to speak words of kindness or harsh words, then that is what will come out.
The tongue is a vehicle or an instrument that is controlled by our brains. Let’s see what Jesus had to say about this topic.
“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45).
If you ever wonder what is in someone’s heart, listen to what they say. If you ever wonder what a person values, listen to their words. Our verses in Proverbs tell us though that we should not just listen to their words, but we must also listen to how they say their words. What is the tone of voice that is used in spilling forth words?
Will Jesus hold us accountable for not just our words, but also for our tone of voice when we say the words? It seems like our Proverbs verse would say, “Yes.”
Have you had a conversation with someone and what you heard and what their tone said did not match? Which will you more likely believe? The words or the tone? I think we would all agree that we would listen to the tone of a person’s voice along with their words, but hold with more weight their tone. Have you ever been dismissed by someone when you asked them, “Why are you so angry?” And their reply to you was, “I’m not angry.” Yet, their tone would indicate otherwise.
Our tongues hold great power not just with what we say, but also with how we say it. Our tongues can do great harm and also provide great healing.
Our tongue betrays our desires. Our tongues are a window to what our hearts are wanting. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. The tongue is the window to your desires, to your heart, to what you worship. If you are worshipping what you want, then your tongue and the tone of voice you use to express your thoughts will betray what you are worshipping.
In the midst of a heated argument with another person, are you really interested in what the other person has to say and what they want? Or are you interested in what you want and how you can get your way and your point across? As we verbally assault each other, we show how foolish we are and we break the other person’s spirit or others that may be verbal casualties to our knock down drag out tongue thrashing.
The Bible is so clear in helping us to see what our sin does to other people. It also helps us to see what our sin does to us.
Have you been guilty of speaking in a way that leaves verbal casualties in your wake? Have you ever thought that “they will get over it?” It’s in the past and I don’t need to seek forgiveness for what I have said or how I have said it. Proverbs 15:4 says that our tongues can break a spirit. If we break a window with our ball, do we need to seek restitution? Then why do we think that our words or our tones don’t need to be forgiven?
How many people are carrying around a great weight of grief and pain over words that have been spoken in a tone that was not gentle? Those words and those tones are a weight. Confession and seeking forgiveness goes a long way at bringing restoration to relationships. Broken relationships bring great pain to everyone involved. These broken relationships were caused by a careless tongue, but a gentle tongue could restore that relationship and cause it to grow and flourish like a tree of life.
As one of the Pastors in my life said, “It’s always your turn.” In other words, if you have caused harm to another because of your words or your tone, go ask for forgiveness and bring healing to that relationship. If you have been harmed by another’s words or tone, go and let them know the pain they have caused you. Maybe they don’t even know the pain they have caused.
Will your tongue bring life or brokenness?
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