The Seasons of Motherhood

01
May
2019

Danielle, A Time to Reflect before College Graduation

Sweet Memories

There is a lot of musing at different times in our lives. I feel like the older I get the more time I spend reflecting and less time I spend planning. That does seem pretty obvious since there is more behind me to muse about than what what there is ahead to plan.

It wasn’t too long ago it seems that I started to teach Danielle how to read. I have always loved reading and knew that books were a good way to not only educate others but a way to stimulate a powerful imagination. Even when they were newborns, I read books to them. I had my favorites to read to them. When they were small we read simple books like Peek-A-Boo, Pat the Bunny, and Ten Little Ladybugs. Then we read Sleeping BeautySleeping Beauty, The Large and Growly Bear, and Nurse Nancy. (I was secretly trying to nudge one of my children into medicine, but that didn’t work.)

Soon we were homeschooling and used things like Five In a Row Vol. I, II , IIIto help guide our book choices. We fell in love with Ping, Lentil, and Madeline. We started playing the shoe throwing game because of A Pair of Red Clogs .

Then we started spending hours after lunch reading our all-time favorite series The Chronicles of Narnia. I would finish a chapter and the girls would beg me, “Mom, just one more chapter.” So we read more. I must admit I had some good voices for all the characters which added to the joy.

We read so many good books and spent so many hours around the kitchen table imagining the world that was written on the page. We would sit on the front porch, and enjoy the sweet smells of summer while being whisked away into another world that in each of our minds was not the same and yet was so real to each of us.

I long for those days and those storybook friends to rejoin our lives. I long for those simple days when we had time to read, “One more chapter.”

And yet as I reminisce about those days and enjoy those sweet memories, I am overjoyed that I had the honor and the privilege to spend all those hours with my children. As the tears flood my eyes as I write these words, I am thankful that I had the privilege to homeschool my children.

Sweet Firsts

We experienced so many firsts together. I enjoyed those sweet days of learning together. Even when there were tears of frustration, there were also shouts of triumph as a difficult concept was understood. There was much laughter over some silly little thing.

When it was time to pick a major, I never thought I could be a teacher. I couldn’t explain anything with the hopes that anyone could understand it. Yet God took that feeling of inadequacy and my joy in learning and allowed me to homeschool our daughters.

Now in just a few short days, our oldest daughter, who I affectionately call my guinea pig, is going to graduate from Cedarville University with a degree in Middle childhood education.

A Monumental Day

What a monumental day for me.

What a monumental day for her.

My daughter, who I homeschooled, is going to graduate from college with an education degree. What an unbelievable and ironic event. The mom who felt inadequate with only a passion for learning and a desire to be faithful is going to watch her sweet little guinea pig get a college degree.

Danielle is doing her student teaching now, and sometimes she calls me and says, “Mom, remember when we… I did that with my students today.” Such a sweet blessing.

The years have gone by so quickly, but I have treasured them all. There are many cherished memories.

Just four years ago, we stood with red eyes, wet cheeks, and some fear as to what lay ahead. Even though Dave and I both graduated from Cedarville and loved it, it was still a new adventure for Danielle and for us. She didn’t have any friends, had to go to class every day, keep track of her own schedule, and wash her laundry and hopefully her  sheets.

Had I prepared her for all of this?

There were a lot of phone calls that first semester. Never telling me she was lonely, but I knew she was. It takes time to build a new community. It takes intentionality. It takes hard work and perseverance to begin a new life.

A Day to be Proud of

Danielle, I am so proud of who you have become. I am so proud of your desire to be intentional with people. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You have a great work ethic. You are faithful. You have a great sense of humor.  Most importantly, you love God and your walk with Him is evident by the fruit in your life.

So on Saturday as you hear your name called…you feel that hard earned diploma in your hand…and you walk across that stage as a college graduate never forget the simple things that made you who you are.

Our morning times learning about the Lord around the kitchen table. The shoe throwing game. The voices from the Land of Narnia. And a family that loves you more than you will ever know.

We are proud of you!

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 1 comment
24
Apr
2019
Be Intentional

Be Intentional

Sweet Memories Made

It was a busy week-end with the girls home. We celebrated birthdays, went shopping for birthday presents, went shopping for shoes for Danielle’s wedding, did some work outside in our little old Christmas tree farm, and celebrated Easter. It was a wonderful week-end. The joys of making memories.

When the girls come home, I spend more time in the kitchen getting food ready. I asked them all what their favorite cookies were because I wanted to have each of their favorite kinds ready for them to eat. We went through quite a few cookies over the weekend.

The joy is having them home and the sadness is when they leave again. They will be home for the summer in a few weeks after we attend Danielle and her fiancé’s college graduation. Then will come the wedding. So many emotions.

I realize again and again how important intentionality is. Intentionality takes work and thought and planning. It takes investment on everyone’s part. My girls could have chosen to go somewhere else for Easter, but they chose to come home. I am so thankful for that.

After they leave and the house is empty and I am left with my memories, I am glad I made three different kinds of cookies., spent time in preparing meals for us to eat and enjoy together, and I stayed up and did pedicures with them rather than go to bed.

Intentionality each day

I certainly miss them while they are gone, but the purpose of intentionality is not just with my girls. It is needed with my husband. It is needed with so many others that I come in contact with every day. Intentionality is not just meant for certain individuals. Intentionality is meant for all.

I pray often that the Lord will help me to notice others that are in need. When I do notice those people, I now have more time to stop and help them. Intentionality. Jesus showed us so often how to be intentional.

Jesus was intentional

He stopped and talked to those who needed something. He went out of his way to minister to someone. The woman with the issue of blood touched His garment and stopped to talk with her. The woman at the well was not someone in his culture that he should have talked to, but He did.

Jesus did not just go to the synagogue on Saturday, He lived out His love for His Father and for others every day.

How often do we see our jobs as our places of ministry or do we just see them as jobs? What if we changed our thoughts and became intentional in our jobs with the people we work with?  I have been doing this more and more and the rewards are not monetary or accolades from others, but rather a sense of knowing that my efforts are pleasing to my Lord.

The Rewards

Therein, lies the beauty of intentionality. The rewards are not rewards on this earth, but rewards in heaven. As we seek to notice the needs of others, as we seek to comfort those in need, as we seek to bring joy to others through baking their favorite cookie; the rewards are not meant to be something we see. They may be felt in our hearts. They may be seen in the happiness we were able to give to another. However, the best rewards may not ever be seen here on this earth, but they will be seen in eternity.

As we hear from our Savior, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:23).

Be intentional…even when you think no one is noticing.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
17
Apr
2019

Go Ahead and Pull out Those Old Cookbooks

I have a shelf full of cookbooks. I bet you do too. How often do you go to them and look for recipes? I mean I bought them or received them from someone special, so you would think that I would go to them often looking for suggestions of meals to make. Sadly, I do not.

Actually, what I do when I am looking for something to make is go to Pinterest. Isn’t that what we all do these days? Haven’t most of our cookbooks gone out of vogue?

I was spring cleaning my kitchen…I am getting this done very slowly…when I started cleaning my cabinet that holds my cookbooks. I had suggested to my daughters last summer that they should use these cookbooks when it was their turn to cook. When they are home for the summer, I have them take a turn cooking a meal every week. It gives them a chance to practice their cooking skills, and I get a break from cooking. That thought of having them use those cookbooks didn’t go over all that well. They turned to Pinterest, naturally.

I decided as I was cleaning this cabinet, that I would use these cookbooks and make one recipe from one of these books every week. It would add to my collection of favorites and put these books to good use rather than just something I need to clean every year.

We were having company for supper, so I decided to try it out on them. As my first cookbook, I picked one that had been by Grandma’s. I knew there had to be something good in there. My Grandma always got these Taste of Home magazine and then bought the cookbook every year.

I tried a salad, main course, and dessert from the cookbook. The beauty of it all was that I already had many of the ingredients, which is why I chose these particular recipes. I made Sunshine Citrus Salad, Crispy Garlic Chicken, and Apple Puff Pastry.

I told my guests what I was doing, so they knew ahead of time that they were guinea pigs. When I was making the dessert, my husband thought it looked tolerable. (Pictured salad, chicken, dessert)

Once everyone was done tasting my “new” recipes, they all loved them. Best of all, my husband loved the dessert and said it tasted so much better than he anticipated it would.

So my suggestion for you is to try it. Get out those old recipe books and try to make something new for your family. They may enjoy it.

Maybe it is a new skill that you have always wanted to try your hand at – why don’t you try it? It is better to have tried and failed than to have always wondered if you could do it. It is also better to try something new, and realize you don’t like it. You might actually surprise yourself and realize that you can succeed in whatever your new venture is and you may really like it.

Pulling out old recipe books and making a new recipe is an easy thing to try. Sometimes it takes trying and succeeding at smaller little things to build our confidence up for the bigger things we want to try.

What is holding you back? Go ahead. Pull out that cookbook and try a new recipe, you may just enjoy it and be able to add something new into your menagerie of meals you cook for your family.

Something like this may also be a stepping stone for something a little bit bigger and better that you have always wanted to try.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
10
Apr
2019

Memories

Now that the girls are gone more than they are home, memories are made differently. When they were younger, we made memories every day. The memories we made were in the routine, everydayness of life. Since I homeschooled them, we ate breakfast, lunch, and supper together. We went to practice together until they could drive. We did most of life together.

I miss those routine memories. I miss those days of having them around me all the time making noise, singing, talking, arguing, running, or playing the piano.

When they come home now, I still like those routine memoires. I still like when they sit at the kitchen table and work on their school work. I like when they grab the remote and find something to watch. I like when they come into the kitchen and ask, “Mom, what is there to eat?” I like having a full refrigerator, because it means they are home.

I am so happy for them and the stage they are currently in. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Growth is part of the way God made this world. No one likes stagnation. So I appreciate the growth in their lives. It thrills my heart to see them accomplishing their dreams. It thrills my soul to see them navigate through difficult situations. It makes eyes swell with tears when they call to tell me about their day or to ask me what I think. It is an honor to me to know my daughters still value my opinion.

Danielle and Delaney came home for spring break at separate times this year. Memories are made in somewhat the same way as when they were always home. They still need their laundry done. The refrigerator is full of their favorite foods. They sit at the kitchen table and work on school work. But now we also are intentional in making memories together. We went shopping together. We went bowling. We went to the beach at Lake Michigan. We went to dress fittings.

You know the illustration about life being like a jar and we manage our time by the rocks and pebbles we put into that jar. The rocks are the things that must be done. The smaller the rocks equates to something of lesser importance until we get to the sand which fills in the cracks.

Making memories with our families is similar to that jar. Sometimes we make big memories like going on a family vacation. Sometimes we make smaller memories by taking a day trip. Sometimes the special sand memories are eating together at home around the kitchen table and sharing how God is working in our lives.

I miss the days when they were young. I miss the days when they were in high school. I realize as the days go by that the more effort I make into continuing to invest in the lives of my daughters as they continue to grow, the more memories we will make. The more memories we make the more solid our relationship will continue to be.

Relationships take time and effort. They take thoughtfulness. They take kindness. They take inconvenience. They take hugging a little longer. They take noticing what another may need and doing what we can to help meet that need.

No matter the stage, enjoy it! It will only last for a season. Make memories in the little things and endeavor to make memories in bigger ways too. You will be glad you did.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
03
Apr
2019

Doors

I love doors.

One of my favorite stores to go shopping is Talbots. When the girls were young, they always called it “The Red Doors.” Since the store has red doors at the entry it is easy to see why they called it that. They knew it was one of my favorite stores so they knew when we went in, it was going to take some time to look around. If I found something I liked and wanted to try it on, it would be even longer. They never seemed to mind. Our girls have always been my shopping buddies.

I must admit I love doors. The entryway to someone’s home or place of business always fascinates me.  The prettier the door and the surroundings to the entryway make it more appealing to enter. I can’t wait to see what is inside.  What adventure might await. What amazing decorating idea might I find once I enter. If it is a cute little boutique, there is always a fascination with what they will have to offer.

I love doors.

Behind every door something awaits.

I look back over my life and feel like there have been different doors. Some of those doors have been open and easy to access while other doors, no matter how hard I tried, would not open.

The first closed door that made a significant impact on my life came the summer I wanted to be a counselor at the camp I had attended as a child. I even worked there in the kitchen for two summers in high school. They knew me, so I was sure that the summer I applied to be a counselor, they would accept me. They did not. I was heartbroken, even crushed. The reason: I wasn’t mature enough. That was a huge blow to my ego. I think I brushed it off and thought they did not know what they were talking about rather than consider why they thought I was immature.  As I look back on that time in my life, they were right. I was immature.

Closed doors can be valuable lessons, if we seek to learn the lesson it is meant to teach.

The next closed door that impacted me was when I was ready to get pregnant and God said, “No, the timing is not right.” In God’s timing, we did get pregnant not just once but three times, and now have three beautiful daughters. See the full story regarding this door.

Sometimes, closed doors are meant to teach us patience and faith in God.

The next closed door was when our children were young. I had left my career as a nurse and was a stay- at-home-Mom. Finances were tight and Dave thought it might be best for me to get a part time nursing job. I had a Master’s degree and also had some good experience, but I could not get a job no matter how hard I tried. God did know what was best for me and my family. I am happy this door was closed by God since I did not want to work and knew that somehow, we would make it. Since I did not get a job at that time, I could continue to focus my energy on being a stay-at-home-mom. We also homeschooled our children, so a job would have made that even more challenging. God took care of our financial needs during those years.

Sometimes, closed doors show us that God knows what’s best for us.

The next significant door was an open door. I did get a job doing some home health care as a nurse. The girls were older and more independent. This open door led to another open door at another home care company after we moved across the state.

Open doors lead us to other open doors.

There are more doors in my story. I am sure there are many doors in your story too. There are different lessons we all need to learn. Sometimes the door is stuck, and we must learn persistence. Sometimes, we are trying to open doors in the wrong order. Sometimes, the entryway is pretty and the door opens easily, but we were never meant to enter.  It is in these moments we need the counsel of wise people and we need to listen to those wise people.

I wish I would have taken the time to evaluate this closed door and to understand why I lacked maturity. I can see now that I was. Evaluating and taking pause may change the course of our lives. It may save us from future heartache.

Doors. Have you evaluated the doors in your life? Do you ask the Lord which doors to open? Do you ask wise friends what doors to try? Do you see the doors in your pathway as God’s direction in your life?

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
19
Mar
2019

The Mom Option

My story

I remember standing in my bedroom in front of my desk when I was in high school, and having this thought, “I don’t think I can be a very good mom if I decide to go to school to be a medical doctor. I think I will go to school to be a nurse.” So I went to school to be a nurse. Granted, I had considered also being a teacher, but at this stage of my life I couldn’t explain how to cross the street so teaching did not seem like an idea of a good time.

My mom was a stay-at-home-mom, and that seemed to me to be the only way I could be a good mom. Granted, I did not want to stay home and be barefoot and pregnant for 20 years. I kind had it figured in the back of my head that once I sent the sweet little bundles of joy off to school, I would re-enter the job market and have a career. So I continued to prepare for this moment.

A few years into our marriage, I went back to school to get a Masters in Nursing.

Shortly after I started my Masters, my husband told me he was ready to start a family. I was far from ready. I wanted to finish my degree and maybe even get a job with my new found level of education. No part of me wanted to be pregnant and have a baby that I was responsible for. The dog at that time was enough.

Doesn’t God know us better than we know ourselves? Not long after that conversation and with graduation in the near future, I told my husband I was ready to have a baby.

God’s Story

So I waited. Then I prayed. And I still waited.

Pretty soon my good friend who had gone to school to be a medical doctor called to tell me she was pregnant. I asked the Lord how come I couldn’t get pregnant. I had given up on a dream to be a doctor so I could be a mom.

Now my friend was going to be doctor and a mom. Life seemed so unfair. So I struggled with the Lord. Spent much time in prayer and pleading.

Five months later, God in His goodness allowed me to get pregnant. I know many have struggled with a much longer wait. Many have struggled and still have not become pregnant. I cannot understand that depth of hurt and struggle.

I do know God gave me a test. It seems that all the tests I had taken to get through nursing school and grad school were acceptable, but a test from God…Don’t we question what He is doing?

So I became a mom after I graduated from grad school. I was a master’s prepared mom. My babies did not seem to care how much education I had. All they cared about was if I was going to meet their needs.

God’s Plan

You may be struggling with if you are ever going to get pregnant. God has a plan. He may be testing you. God may be reminding you that His timing is better than your timing. He may also have you on this road for a long time.

What I know is that God loves us. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but sometimes those desires are not what He sees as the best desires.

Share your story. Share the burden of your heart and let others help you carry it. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus and let Him carry it. After all, He loves you so much He sent His son for you.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com, 0 comments
21
Jun
0203

What is coming from your watering can?

“A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

(Proverbs 11:17, 25)

We live on the western side of Michigan and have been experiencing a drought of sorts the last few months. Our grass that does not get watered with the sprinklers is brown and dead. Every two or three days, I have to water my flowers and my garden. We have gotten about ¼ inch of rain in the last month. That is good for all the graduation parties and weddings that are taking place now. Rain certainly puts a damper on of these festivities, but we need rain. In the past when I have had to faithfully water my garden, the minute we had a nice rain all of my plants grew so much better. There is something about rain sent from God to water my plants.

The beauty of the water that I have been giving my plants, even though it is not rain water, is that they are growing and brightening up my yard, garden, and flower beds. As I water these plants, they provide for me beauty and produce to eat. My strawberries have been wonderful this year. I have frozen some strawberries, eaten strawberries, and made two strawberry pies. I have really enjoyed the produce so far, all because I have been dutifully watering my plants.

People are a little bit like my plants. People benefit from words and acts of kindness. When a person receives a word of encouragement, they perk up a little bit. It is said that it takes one word of unkindness to undo seven words of kindness. Speaking and acting in kindness spreads cheer to those within ear shot. Sending a note in the mail to encourage someone will brighten their day. Noticing the good qualities of someone and telling them about them will encourage them to continue on in those fine qualities that they have.

What happens to the person who turns out cruelty and withholds words of kind encouragement? It is like the drought that is causing our grass to be burnt and brown. Have you walked on that kind of grass in your bare feet? Is it appealing to the eye? What usually happens to that brown grass after a period of time? The grass is no longer dormant but dead, there is no life left in it and the weeds take the opportunity to grow up where the thick lush grass was. So is the person who gives out nothing but cruelty and unkind words, they are like the crunchy brown grass. It causes pain to those who hear and that pain carries on in the ears of the hearer long after the words were spoken.

Too often those that are cruel think that they have to say what comes to their minds and once they get it off their chest, they feel better. The sad thing is that what they unloaded on the poor listener is now their burden to carry. The relationship is now marred and the words that the cruel person said cannot be taken back. Too often the cruel person thinks that they can move on and everyone will forget the tone or the words that were said. This person leaves a trail of destruction in their relationship wake, and when they are in need they have no one that will help them or the person that does assist them is reluctant to do so.

Not so with the person who is kind and goes around watering all that come near their bountiful spring of kind words and actions. We all walk around with a watering can in our hand. What is coming out of your watering can? Is it words of kindness and encouragement or is cruelty, harshness, and anger? If you are not sure, maybe you should check to see what you are getting back? Is it kindness or cruelty? Do you feel refreshed or dry?

 

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments