ddykema5@gmail.com

02
Aug
2023

Love or Hate

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

 

Hate is a strong word. We can define “hate” as strong and passionate dislike for someone. There are many children that suffer from hate by their parents. They are abused and not taken care of. Their basic needs are not met, and they suffer from parents that are so self-absorbed they feel unloved and uncared for. These self-absorbed parents have no capacity to love their children because they spend all of their time focusing in themselves and how they might get the love and attention they feel like they deserve.

There are other parents who are the focus of this verse who think that discipline is a form of child abuse and so they do not say no to their children or provide any discipline in their lives. These parents let the children rule the home.

We have all seen these households as well. The parents will buy the child whatever they want and give in to the whims of the child. These children have no structure, guidelines, or discipline in their lives. The child rules the house.

The problem with this kind of parenting is that the children want structure, discipline, and guidelines. They want to feel loved, cared for, and safe. These parents think that when a child protests to the rules that it is easier to give in to the child rather than to hold their ground. When a spanking is needed or a “no” to a request is necessary, the parents give in when the child does not meekly submit to authority.

All children want to feel safe, cared for, and loved. They want to know what is expected of them even when they put up an argument or have a temper tantrum.

I like to look at discipline as a fence. We have raised multiple dogs and when these dogs are outside they are either on a leash or inside a fence. The purpose of the leash and the fence is for their protection. They pull on the leash and try to get outside of the fence whenever possible because they think that outside of these boundaries provides more fun and excitement and more smells than when confined. Yet, we all know that a pet that runs away has a very real chance of getting hit by a car. The fence and the leash for our dogs provide protection even though they didn’t understand this.

Discipline in the form of spanking, teaching, privileges removed, etc are each a form of protection for the child. The child does not understand these things in the moment, but the parents need to keep the end in mind. What kind of child do you want at the end of your raising journey?

A child may not tell you they feel loved and cared for when they are being disciplined. They may think that they are being abused.

One of our daughters as she grew older continued to push against the rules and guidelines that we had for her. I noticed that when I held my ground and continued to discipline her and not give in to her pleas and cries, she was happier. When I gave in to her pleas and cries, she was unhappy. The purpose of discipline is not happiness, but it is a welcome by-product of the discipline process.

When a child knows what is expected of him or her, and they know the consequences for not following these expectations they will be happier and healthier children. Children that do not know what is expected of them will live in fear. They will wonder what will cause their parent so to get angry with them.

When children do not understand and do not know what is expected of them, when there are no boundaries, they become fearful children. When children get whatever it is they want in order to pacify them, they become selfish children. They think the world revolves around them. Either one of these negative scenarios has consequences as they move on into adulthood. They struggle in relationships. They struggle in their jobs. They will struggle in their relationship with their parents.

Parenting is a hard job. It takes work, sacrifice, communication, intentionality, grace, humility, and forgiveness. Too many parents get caught in the trap of trying to do too many things as they raise their children. They then fall into the trap of not disciplining because it takes too much time.

As I look back on my days of raising our daughters, I don’t regret all that I gave up to be a stay at home mom. There are some things I wish I would have done better, and some things I wish I would have done a clearer job at communicating. I do not regret disciplining them. Self-control is best taught as they grow rather than them trying to learn it now.

Love your children enough to discipline them and do not spare the rod for their crying. Whenever I would spank my children, I always made sure that I was not angry. We would talk about the offense. They would pray and ask God to forgive them for the sin that they committed. They always had to seek the forgiveness of the person they had offended or wronged. We always ended in a hug. Many times my heart was hurting, but I knew that this moment was what was best for them.

 

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
26
Jul
2023

Strife or Advice

“By insolence comes nothing but strife,

But with those who take advice is wisdom.”

Proverbs 13:10

For those of you that have been reading my blog, you know that I have been listening to books. I have been listening to a bit of a variety of books, but recently have been listening to some historical fiction. I just finished a book about the personal librarian of J.P. Morgan. I didn’t even know that J.P. Morgan had a personal library, which is now open to the public, but to have a personal librarian that did nothing but work for him in his library. As I listened to this book I was struck by a number of things, but the one thing I want to elaborate on today has to do with our verse. J.P. Morgan was a very powerful man with a lot of money. He and his librarian had a dream about what the vision for the library should be. As they hunted down original manuscripts and art work, it had to fit in with this vision. J.P. Morgan trusted his librarian as an expert. He knew that she was doing nothing but devote her life to his library. She was well read and did much to educate herself even to teach herself other languages so she could read the manuscripts she was acquiring to be sure that they were authentic. Even though J.P. Morgan had the money, he trusted his librarian and her skill and knowledge in acquiring the valuable treasures that they obtained.

If at the end of the day, J.P. Morgan did not think that a certain item should be purchased his librarian had to submit to his final decision. On most occasions, J.P. Morgan submitted to her decisions since she was wholly vested in this project.

Imagine if either one of them in their endeavors to accomplish their purpose for the library were insolent or proud and were not interested in the opinion of the other. This would have caused nothing but strife. There would have been no peace and no decision would have been made. Rather, they were willing to take the advice of the other and reach a conclusion.

So often when a decision in our life needs to be made, we tend to only see this decision through our eyes and not through the eyes of anyone else. We only see the steps and the outcomes that we envision, and we don’t think that an outcome will turn out any other way than how we think it will turn out. There are many others that have gone before us that would gladly tell you that they wished they would have sought the advice of another or listened to the advice of another, and now they are stuck in a hard place. They think to themselves, “if only I would have listened…”

When we are proud or insolent, we don’t want to listen to what someone else has to say. We are not eager to glean advice from someone else and if we do seek advice from someone else and we are proud, we think that the other person does not know what they are talking about. This causes strife in the relationship. Do you have a relationship that is tense, full of strife, or you are not on the best terms with that person? Is there a relationship that was once close and now because of something that someone said to you caused you to retreat from the relationship because you didn’t like the advice that was given? The relationship might still be intact, but is it superficial?

God gave people into our lives for relationship. He gave us people to help us through life. If we think we know everything and don’t need to listen to advice from others especially our parents or those that are older than us, we will continue to cause conflict in our relationships. There will be strife with others.

What is the conclusion we must make from this Proverb for our lives. Be willing to listen. Be willing to ask questions when someone gives you advice and you don’t understand why they said what they said. Be willing to ponder over the relationship and take into account the care, love, and concern the speaker has for you. Too often we are blind to what others see; we have blind spots in our lives. Just like a driver who may have a blind spot when driving, so we have blind spots in our lives and need to heed the advice of others so we don’t miss out on wise counsel. When we are unwilling to listen, there will be strife in a relationship and we will miss out on the wisdom that will help us better live out God’s purpose in our lives.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
19
Jul
2023

Work or Worthless Pursuits

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread,

But he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

                                                  Proverbs 12:11

 

I enjoy gardening. I have posted pictures of my fence around my garden. I often take pictures of the beautiful flowers that adorn the various flower beds around our house. I enjoy seeing my hard work of trimming, weeding, fertilizing, mulching, etc. produce beautiful flowers and yummy produce. This year has been a difficult year for some of my produce. Some of my produce has done pretty well. We had a drought at the beginning of the summer so I was dutifully watering every other day. I think I planted sunflowers three different times because the seeds I planted were not growing. I finally have some coming up, but I am not sure if they will be able to bloom before the frost of winter sets in. my strawberries, black and red raspberries, and blueberries have done pretty well. We have had some green beans and some peas so far. There is nothing like eating the produce from your own garden. I am thankful that there are grocery stores because we would starve if it were up to me to supply enough food to feed us throughout the entire winter.

Our Proverb today is similar to a Proverb we studied earlier, “Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.” (Proverbs 6:6). The ant teaches us valuable lessons about working hard. You can go back and read that blog, Go to the Ant. The ant is motivated, plans ahead, glorifies God, and has busy hands.

A hard worker will have plenty of bread. The reason that the hard worker has plenty is because he is so busy working he does not have time for worthless pursuits. In America, we have become a nation that enjoys our leisure activities. However, we are not the first or the last people to enjoy our leisure. We could take a walk through history and read about all those that have gone before us that enjoyed their leisure. They enjoyed following “worthless pursuits.”

Is it wrong to enjoy leisurely activities? No. Is it wrong to have a hobby that we enjoy doing in our free time? No. The problem is when these leisure activities begin to consume us and cause us to disregard our duties and responsibilities.

First and foremost, do your leisure activities get in the way of spending time in God’s Word and in prayer? Does your job suffer because your focus is more on putting in your time so that you can enjoy your leisure activities? Does your family suffer neglect because you are too focused on your leisure activities?

There are pursuits that are sinful in and of themselves: Pornography, gambling, gossip, etc. No matter what these are sinful.

Video games, social media, internet browsing, and other technology driven activities have become addictive in our society today and though not evil in and of themselves they have become addictive and have caused people to waste inordinate amounts of time. These are the people that lack sense.

Our time is a non-renewable commodity. These moments that we are spending on these various pursuits will never be able to be done over. We will never recapture those moments.

With the 24 hours per day you have been given, what will you spend your time doing? Will you work hard? Performing your job to the best of your ability, caring for your family, ministering to the needs of others? Will you faithfully spend time in God’s Word and in prayer? Do you use your time in a sensible or nonsensible way? Someday, we will give an account for our actions. What will God say about yours?

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
12
Jul
2023

A Crown or Rotten Bones

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

 

I have been listening to books this year. It is amazing to me how much listening time I have. One of my daughters has encouraged me to listen to some historical fiction, which has been some lighter listening than some of the other books I have listened to and the ones that I actually read the print on the page. I just finished a story set in the mid 1800’s about Empress Elisabeth “Sisi” married to Franz Joseph emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. His empire stretched from Austria to Russia and from Germany to Italy. It is a totally different life than I am certainly used to. Servants to do everything for her from fixing her meals to styling her hair. She doesn’t have to lift a finger. The people of the kingdom all love her, even though she is waited on by her servants. She is still a down to earth empress and became their most beloved “Fairy Queen.”

Our verse from Proverbs contrasts two different wives. The first wife mentioned is excellent and appears to be a crown to her husband. The second wife brings shame to her husband and can be compared to rotten bones.

Let’s talk about each of these separately. We will also spend much more time and in-depth study on this when we get to Proverbs 31. How does one go about being an excellent wife that is a crown to her husband? A crown is a beautiful adornment that adds beauty to the wearer. It is a symbol of power and majesty. One of the things that is important when a man and a woman meet and consider marriage is do they make each other better people? Do they point each other to Christ? Does each one challenge the other in their walk with the Lord encouraging them on to grow in the Lord? The closer our walk with the Lord is the better our lives will be. The closer we look like Christ, the better our relationship will be. Do you as the wife “spur your husband on to love and good works?” (Heb. 10:24).

One of the ways I have tried to adorn my husband is by being his assistant.  I still firmly believe that the husband should be the primary provider for the household income. So as his assistant or help meet, I do what I can to make it easier for my husband to do his job. If we need to have something repaired at the house, I do everything I can to make sure that I am at home when the service person arrives. I was the primary caretaker for our daughters. My husband would assist me, but he was busy with his job so it fell to me to care for them.

What do my words reflect about my husband? When I am in the presence of others, do I build my husband up or do I tear him down? Do I find something nice to say about him and then share those things with others? Or do I spew forth every sin that he has committed, every fault that irritates me, every choice that he makes that is not wrong just different?

Do I treat him with love and respect? Does he enjoy being around me because I encourage him and seek to bring out the best in him?

The wife who brings shame is the opposite of these things. She has nothing nice to say about him. Because of her words, her husband is not esteemed by others. She does not build him up before others so now others think the worst of him.

Our Proverb mentions rotten bones. A man that does not have the support of his wife cannot stand before others. His reputation is not one of strength or godly leadership, but one of weakness – rotten bones.

This wife is not looking out for the best interest of her family, but rather she is looking out for her own best interest. If her husband wants a hot meal on the table he must not only make the money to buy the food, but must also cook the food. There is no teamwork in this marriage, but rather the husband’s sole purpose in the wife’s eyes is to serve her. He cannot fulfill his God given leadership role in the home because his wife is too busy clamoring for her needs that she thinks needs to be met.

As a wife, I want to be an asset to my husband. I want him to be successful in what he does so I seek to serve him. I may not receive any praise or recognition for what I do, but he is able to accomplish more because I encourage him, fill in the gaps, and spur him on to lead like Christ.

I have not always loved my husband perfectly. I have not always been an adornment to his head, but my goal is to be excellent in what I do and say so that I don’t cause weakness in him.

Just as Sisi and Franz Joseph wore crowns that set them apart from those that were around them, so I must adorn my husband in a way that sets him apart from those he is with. I need to be his #1 cheerleader, encouraging him in all that he does. Do I listen to him when he needs a listening ear without judging? Do my actions adorn him and bring out the best in him? Do my words come back to him throughout his day and help him get through the tough things he has to do? Does he feel appreciated for all he does, so when his day is hard and long he knows it is all worth it because he is providing for us, providing for someone who appreciates what he does? Am I sympathetic to his struggles?

We as wives have great power. We can either cause strength or weakness, honor or dishonor, joy or sorrow. As a wife, look at your actions and your words. Where do you fall? If you do not know, ask your husband. I am sure he will readily tell you where you stand.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
14
Jun
2023

Safety from Falls

Where there is no guidance, a people falls,

But in an abundance of counselors there is safety

Proverbs 11:14

One of the opportunities that I have had the privilege to be a part of is raising puppies for Leader Dogs for the Blind. We have had the opportunity to raise 5 dogs and 2 of them have gone on to assist those that are vision impaired have more freedom as these dogs have become the “eyes” for these individuals. It was a wonderful opportunity to be a part of this very worthwhile endeavor. Many have asked us if we will do this again, and I always answer that I don’t know. I would love to do it again, but life has been full.

These dogs are guides for people that are vision impaired so that they do not fall. Our verse today from Proverbs is not talking about the physical act of walking, but it is referring to the living of one’s life. When we live life, there are many decisions that one must make as we go through life. There is not one decision that is made in life that there is not someone who has an opinion about that decision.

We live in the information age. We can “Google” anything. The word “google” refers to 10 to the 100th power. In other words, an unfathomable number. When we “google” something we get an unfathomable number of hits that come up with a solution to our “problem.”

Scripture is not referring to us googling something to find the answer to our problem. It is also not referring to a dog guiding us when we cannot see.

Scripture is referring to wise people. When we are faced with a decision in life, who do we go to in order to assist us in making a wise choice? Our verse says that when we have a decision to make and we do not seek wise guidance in said decision, we fall. When a blind person does not heed the direction of their guide dog, they will fall. What happens when we fall? We are injured. We skin up our knees or break a bone.

So it is when we have a decision to make and we do not seek wise counsel, we suffer some type of consequence for a poor choice. There are some major choices in life that are made and it is the wise person that seeks wise counsel in relation to these choices. How many times have we heard someone say, “I prayed about this and felt like the Lord was directing me…” Yet, when we look at Scripture we can see a clear directive that contradicts the choice the person was making. They were not seeking the Lord’s direction, they were seeking their own desires and put the stamp “I prayed about it” on their decision.

I recently listened to the book “The Power of Who” by Bob Beaudine, and in it he talks about having a “personal board of directors.” This board of directors is your personal abundance of counselors that this Proverb refers to. So often we take the path that leads to failure because this path is well worn and often this path offers the least amount of resistance in the moment. Many times we cannot see the forest for the trees as the famous saying goes. We need others that can see the path of our lives more clearly than we can see it. They have lived life longer than we have. Our board of directors usually knows us better than we know ourselves. Many of the decision we make involve our emotions, and our emotions are good at playing tricks on us.

So who should make up or “board of directors” or our “abundance of counselors?”

  1. Dad/Mom- who knows you better than your parents? They raised you and most parents have their children’s best interest at heart. They know things about you that you do not know about yourself. They see you and know your strengths and your weaknesses. They have lived life longer than you have and know you best. Your parents always have an opinion about the choices you make and as a general rule they would love to give you their opinion. Ask them for it and then listen to what they have to say. I don’t always like the things my dad has to say, but he has proven to be wise throughout my life the more humble I have gotten in listening to him. “Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Eph. 6:2, 3). When you honor your parents, God promised that it would go well with you. Do you want life to go well? Honor your parents and seek their wisdom. (Bob Beaudine said this was #1 in his book “The Power of Who”)
  2. Mate – If you are married, your mate also knows you well. Not only this, but every decision you make effects your mate. What job you take, how you raise the children, where to live, what car or house to buy, etc. Many decisions that we make in life effect our mates. We should always seek their counsel when making a decision and seek to make these major decision together. When a couple is married, they can together go their parents and seek their counsel for a decision that needs to be made.
  3. Your Pastor – what a blessing it is to be a part of a church family that helps us walk through life. Your pastor, Sunday school teacher, or wise mentor would love to give you wise counsel in the decisions that you make. They have spent much time counseling people and they have seen good choices and poor choices. These people will seek to give advice according God’s Word.
  4. Friends – our friends also know us well. They may have recently gone through a similar situation so they can tell you what they did and the impact that decision had on them.

From all of these people, we have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. How many of us wish we could have a “do-over?” I do. There are many things I wish I could “do-over.” So when someone asks me my opinion about something, I am going to first go to Scripture for principles that will guide the decision, and then I will draw on my bank of experiences and share the things that I did well or the things I wish I could have done differently.

Wise is the person who willingly seeks advice and counsel from others. Foolish is the person who makes a rash life altering decision without seeking the advice of others. Humility is a necessary ingredient in seeking the advice of others. For in so doing we will either fall or be safe.

The guide dogs I raised have a very valuable person at the end of the leash. They have great responsibility and will lead their person to fall or be safe. Will you choose to seek wise counsel in the decisions you make? Will you allow your “abundance of counselors” or “board of directors” to assist you in making wise choices? Safety or injury is at the end of the line. Don’t be fooled into thinking that bad things won’t happen to you, or there is no immediate crash after a decision. Some decisions do not reap the negative consequences until later in life.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
07
Jun
2023

Secure or Crooked?

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,

But he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.

Proverbs 10:9

Have you heard the saying, “A man is only as good as his word?” In other words, what a man says must be backed up by his actions. When a man tells a woman that he loves her, she expects to see it backed up in his actions. If he does not pay attention to her, show her kindness, honor, and respect, then we would wonder if he truly loved her. When a woman says she loves her children, but fails to provide for their basic needs we would wonder about the sincerity of her words. She never hugs them, encourages them, or spends time with them, we would wonder about her love for them.

Our verse in Proverbs talks about walking. This does not mean the activity of walking, though that is a good activity. The word walk actually means how we live. If we live with integrity, we will be secure in our lives. This security is not when you are locked safely inside your house or car, or riding in the Presidents bullet proof Limo with secret service all around you.  The security this is talking about is the security of your reputation. When you say something, everyone around you knows that what you say has happened or will happen. When we live our lives truthfully and honestly, we are walking on ground that is firm. It is secure.

Integrity means being honest and having high moral principles no matter where a person is or who they are with. A person with integrity provides a steadiness and a secureness to the relationship. The trust in the relationship is never broken since they never give anyone a reason to doubt them. They are dependable and without any doubt, and when you are in a relationship with this person you know you can count on them. Any relationship with the person that has impeccable integrity provides a security to the relationship that is unwavering.

This is the kind of love and relationship we have with our God if we are a follower of Jesus. His love and care for us is unshakeable. No matter what we do, God will always love us. He loved us first (I John 4:19) and will never stop loving us. (Rom. 8:35).

I am reminded of the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Even though the son turned his back on his dad, the son knew the integrity of his father and knew that even though he had treated his father poorly their relationship was secure.

Our reputation goes before us and behind us. People know what kind of a person you are by your reputation. One who walks in a way that demonstrates honest and wholesome character with a high degree of morality, is one who provides a security and a dependability of relationship.

The converse of this person is the one whose way is crooked. In other words, this person lies and is always seeking to cover their tracks. This person is the flagrant opposite of the person with a high moral and wholesome character. Having a relationship with this person is like walking on quick sand or in a completely dark forest. There is no security or safety. You are never quite sure what to expect and the relationship always leaves you with a feeling of being unsettled. We have seen this happen multiple times (actually multiple multiplied by multiple times) on the news to politicians, actors/actresses, or others. It seems that these people are always living life with one eye forward and one eye watching their back always wondering when the truth will actually surface. They tell lies to cover up the last lies. Then they don’t remember what the lie was that they told. “Be sure your sins will find you out.” (Num. 32:23). It seems that these people would learn that a thing can never be covered up. The truth will always be found out, yet the deceivers are themselves so deceived they think that they will be the one to pull the wool over someone’s eyes.

The crooked ways are always found out and the truth is always revealed.

When my girls were young, they would always get in more trouble for lying. I wanted them to understand how significant this was in their lives. A genuine relationship cannot be had with a crooked person. These relationships always leave us in turmoil and confusion. We are never sure which way is up. A relationship with this person is filled with uncertainty and uneasiness.

It is important to evaluate the relationships we are in. if you find yourself with a person of honest character with a high regard for the truth. Your relationship with that person is secure. If you find yourself in a relationship with a person that leaves you feeling uneasy and in turmoil, “leave the presence of a fool.” (Prov. 14:7). If you are married to such a person that leaves you uneasy or in turmoil, seek Biblical counsel. You need help and so does the person you are married to.

We can choose who we want to be… a person with honest integrity or the fool that leads us down a crooked path.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 1 comment
24
May
2023

Pot-stirrer or Peacemaker?

Hatred stirs up strife

But love covers all offenses

Proverbs 10:12

 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “that person is a pot-stirrer?”  The person being referred to in the saying usually creates chaos in their wake. They go to a family gathering, a party, or a co-worker and what ensues after being with them is disagreements, shouting matches, or strained relationships. After being in the presence of the pot-stirrer, one often leaves feeling hurt, misunderstood, or offended. They give off a sense of uneasiness. Other people are never quite sure of what they are going to get when they are in the presence of said “pot-stirrer.”

Why do you suppose that the “pot-stirrer” is like this? Why do they like to create drama and stress in the situations and relationships in their lives? Proverbs 10:12 tells us. They have hatred in their hearts. Rather than see others as people to love and cherish, they see others as a means to an end. These “pot-stirrers” are self-centered and want to always be the center of the conversation, the party, the family gathering, or the work environment. When they are not getting what they want, they create drama through gossip, arguments, or other attention getting measures so that the attention goes from others to them.

The opposite of hatred is love.  These lovers are peacemakers. They are the kindest people you ever wanted to meet. They see the best in every situation and are always looking for ways to encourage others and love them. They see the best in every situation and even when provoked they return with kind and considerate words. Their tone of voice is always gentle and their eyes sparkle with care and joy when in the presence of anyone. They always make you feel like you are the most important person in the room and when you leave their presence you feel lighter and have a smile on your face and a lilt in your step.

I remember a conversation I had with someone that lived out “love covers all offenses.” As we were talking, I was relating a mistake that I had made and the effect that it had on what we were working on. By the time we were finished talking, the kind lady made me feel like the error I had made was actually her error. I knew that it was me that had done the wrong, but I walked away feeling refreshed and joyful. I purposed after that to stop seeing every error not from my perspective but from the other person’s perspective. To give grace instead of humiliation in the presence of others that had committed a wrong or an offense.

When we determine to cover an offense, we breathe life into the relationship. We breathe life into the other person. We communicate through our actions that we love the other person and do not condemn them for the wrongs they have committed. I am not saying that when a crime is committed that we pretend the crime wasn’t committed and let the criminal keep carrying out their crimes. This does not show them love. This allows them to continue down a path of destruction.  This is not helpful for the individual.  There needs to be punishment for the crime, but their does not need to be bitterness over the crimes of the past.

What kind of person are you? Would your friends or family members call you a “pot-stirrer” or a peacemaker? Do you create chaos in your wake or do others feel encouraged when leaving your presence? Do others feel refreshed after being in your presence or do they feel like you always suck the wind out of their sails?

I have been in the presence of both of these kinds of people, and at the end of the day I want to be a peacemaker. I want to be the person that refreshes those that have spent time with me.

Hatred or love. Stirring or covering. Strife or peace.

The choice is up to you.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
10
May
2023

Are you wise or a scoffer?

My husband and I were out with our daughters last week. We had eaten together and after dinner my husband told one of our daughters that she had something in her teeth. This has happened to most of us. Maybe we didn’t have something in our teeth, maybe it was something on our face or on our clothes. Why is that we didn’t know about these things in our teeth, on our face, or on our clothes? We couldn’t see them. What about the time you walk out with a black sock and a blue sock on? Again, we got dressed in the dark and didn’t see that the colors were not the same. So often we are “blinded” because we aren’t in front of a mirror, aren’t looking for the stain on our clothes, or are in the dark when we get dressed.

Life is the same.

What does Proverbs have to say about when we point out flaws, correct, or reprove someone?

Proverbs 9:7-9 “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man and he will increase in learning.”

A scoffer is someone who expresses contempt to others. So when you point out to a scoffer things you see in their life that is a poor choice, a character flaw, or a sin they will not receive what you have to say to them about them with kind reception. Rather, they will respond poorly. They may verbally abuse you. They may reject you and the relationship that you had with them. They do not accept what you have to say. As a matter of fact, they will do everything in their power to prove you wrong.

They do not see you as someone that can objectively see the ketchup on their face or the food in your teeth, rather they think that you do not know what you are talking about and have the wrong perspective. They refuse to listen to what you have to say and think that they know much better than you do about their life. They refuse to look introspectively to see the “thing” that you are bringing to their attention.

What kind of injury do you receive from the wicked man? (Prov. 9:7). When we open our mouths and point out something in someone’s life that they do not see, we risk losing the relationship. We risk losing a good friend that we enjoyed living life with. We risk losing that family member that we spent time making many memories together. Holidays are no longer the same because they refuse to be a part. Maybe the person that we risked pointing out the sin, the blind spot, or a poor choice will take to social media and spew forth unkind things about us. Maybe they will gossip and tell a tale about us that is not true in order to get back at us for what we said. They want to injure our reputation. So they poor forth lies about us. We may be injured. Our reputation may be injured. Unfortunately for them, they are so busy trying to prove you wrong, that they end up injuring themselves.

What will a wise man or woman do when they are given instruction? They will gladly accept it. They will appreciate the fact that you had the courage to risk the relationship to point out to them the sin, the blind spot, or the poor choice that they are making. The righteous man or woman will gladly look introspectively into their life and see the things that you noticed and appreciate you for having the courage to speak up. Since you did have the courage to speak truth into their lives, rather than harming the relationship, the relationship will be stronger and better for the instruction that you gave.

So my question for you dear friend is this: Which person are you? When someone reproves you, what do you do? Do you pour out abuse on the poor person that spoke up? Do you gladly receive the rebuke from someone and seek to change so that you can be more conformed to the image of God’s Son? A scoffer is proud and a wise person is humble. Do some introspection and ask the Lord to help you see with new eyes the kind of person you are. After all, that piece of food that is between your teeth left there will be unattractive, but if removed will make you more pleasant to be looked on by others. So it is with rebuke. Seek the Lord.

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03
May
2023

Peace or Distress?

Have you ever said about yourself or about someone else, “that was a dumb mistake?” When we look at another’s life, we easily can see what decision they should have made. When we look at our own lives we tend to be clouded in our judgement in the midst of a decision. Later on, when we look over the same situation, we say, “what was I thinking?”

Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 have quite the contrast between wisdom and folly. In the midst of the scene that is set for us in Proverbs 7, the young man that is mentioned would not say in the moment, “this is a dumb mistake.” Rather, he is being led along by his fleshly desires.

Proverbs 7 sets the scene for the forbidden woman. These characteristics that are laid out for us can apply to many different foolish decisions that we make.

This scene in Proverbs 7 is set at night. Jesus said in John 3:19 “…men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil.” Foolishly, we think that if we participate in satisfying our fleshly desires in the dark or at night, they will less likely be seen. However, God is not blinded by darkness. “For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” (John 3:20).

The characteristics that define this forbidden woman are smooth/flattering words (7:5), wiley of heart (7:10), wayward (7:11), not a keeper at home (7:11), lies in wait for her victims (7:12), has a form of godliness (7:14), seductive (7:16, 17), illicit means of satisfying her fleshly desires (7:18), and plots and plans her deception (7:19, 20).

The key here is deception or lies. She wants the simple to believe the same lies that she believes. The more someone else believes her lies, the better she gets at telling them. These principles do not just apply to a man that is being seduced into an adulterous relationship with a woman.

These principles can also be applied to a woman that is being seduced by her sin. We all have desires that we are trying to get satisfied. We believe the lie that our desires must be satisfied and we must do whatever it takes to have our desires satisfied.

Proverbs 8 is the contrast to Proverbs 7 and shows us the characteristics of wisdom. The words that a wise person uses are wise and understanding words. These words that wisdom desires to share are not hidden or spoken in secret. “Wisdom cries aloud in the heights, beside the way, at the crossroads, beside the gates, and at the entrance of the town.” (Proverbs 8:1, 2).

The words of the wise seek to educate the simple or those they are with (8:5). The wise also speak words of truth and righteousness (8:7, 8).

So the contrast between those that are walking on the path of foolishness vs. the path of wisdom is seen in our actions and our words. Underlying all of these are our thoughts. What thoughts are you thinking?  I will do whatever needs to be done so that my desires can be satisfied. The adulterous woman has a form of godliness (“I offered my sacrifices” Prov. 7:14) making others think that she is a good woman when in reality she is covering the sin in her heart with outward actions that are a form of godliness.

The way of the wise do not hide the truth. They are willing to tell whoever will listen to them what the truth is.

What thoughts characterize your life? Are you seeking to satisfy your desires and believing lies or are you searching for the truth? Wisdom does not hide what it thinks, but the deceived tell things in secret. What is the result of listening to folly? You will injure yourself. Foolish choices produce injury and impact someone for the rest of their life. Wise choices give us life and produce fruit in our life that begets more wise choices.

The young man that went the way of the adulterous will find it easier the next time to turn onto her path. The person who tells one lie will find it easier the next time to tell a lie. The person who drinks alcohol or looks at pornography or whatever foolish choice will find it easier to go down that path again. The more sin we commit the more deceived we are into thinking this is the only way my desires will be satisfied. Rather than experiencing peace and satisfaction we will experience disharmony, agitation, and distress.

Those that choose the path of wisdom will continue to follow that path because the wise choices bring peace. Wisdom begets life, peace, joy, and favor from the Lord.

Are you experiencing peace or discontentment? Are the choices that you are making producing life or causing you injury?

“And now, O sons, listen to me: blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise and do not neglect it. Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates and waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord, but he who fails to find me injures himself and all who hate me love death.” (Proverbs 8:32-26).

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26
Apr
2023

Wisdom is a Hedge

We moved into our house seven years ago. Hard to believe we have lived here this long already. When we moved, we had our list of things we wanted in a house. One of the things I wanted was a yard big enough so I could have a garden. We found a house that met our wants that sat on 5 acres. The house we bought actually sits on an old Christmas tree farm. The place that I chose to have my garden that made the most sense on the property makes the garden hidden from the house. Since we cannot see the garden from the house, it is a perfect location for all the animals that are scavenging for food. All the delicacies that a fresh garden holds for all of these creatures: many deer, raccoons, groundhogs, rabbits, etc. I knew that I needed a fence, but I wanted a fence that matched the esthetics. As pretty and as natural as it was, it did absolutely nothing to keep out the animals. I worked very hard to cut down a tree and dig the post holes and build my fence. As pretty and natural as it was, it did not protect my precious produce. Out went the natural fence, and in came the industrial fence that continues to be tweaked.

The purpose of my new industrial fence is to protect, preserve, put a hedge, or guard my produce from the marauders that case my garden when I am not paying attention, mostly at night.

Proverbs 6 and 7 states that  the purpose of a son or a daughter keeping their parents’ teaching, which hopefully lines up with the teaching from God’s Word, is to protect, preserve, put a hedge, or guard from the forbidden or evil  woman/man.

The company we keep impacts our lives. We are influenced by those that we spend time with. Proverbs 6, 7 talk about someone entering into an adulterous relationship, but we also can take these principles and the outcomes of entering into an adulterous relationship and apply them to other relationships.

What is the purpose of listening to one’s parents or those that are older and wiser than you? They have years and experience on their side that those that are younger, their children, do not have. They have seen and experienced more in life, and want to protect their young from making mistakes that will forever impact their lives.

What impact can a wrong relationship have on your life? It can destroy (6:32), cause wounds (6:33), cause dishonor (6:33), and lead to death (7:27).

When we seek to fulfill a desire or gain satisfaction from something or someone that does not bring glory to God, it does not bring about anything that is positive.

Children are more precious than my produce that my family has spent much effort in protecting. Just as we have put up an industrial fence to be a protection around my precious produce, so the commandments and teaching (6:20; 7:1) of a parent are meant to protect their children from making foolish choices. I have fencing tall enough so the deer cannot jump over, buried fencing so the groundhogs cannot dig under it, and tiny openings so the rabbits cannot sneak through. So the teaching and wise words of wisdom of a parent are meant to put a hedge around their children to protect, preserve, and guard them from making foolish choices.

The difference between my produce and children is that children have a choice. They can choose to listen or choose to ignore the wise words of wisdom bestowed on them by their parents.

True satisfaction of our desires only comes from following God and His Word. Too often we think that we know better how to get the satisfaction that we are looking for. The trouble is that those that choose to follow their desires are deceived by those desires. They think that the satisfaction of their desires will be found their way. This is deceptive thinking (Prov. 14:8).

Every circumstance in life gives us the opportunity to make a choice. Will you choose to follow the path of wisdom (listening to your parents and others who are wise) or will you listen to your desires that are deceitful? The path of wisdom provides safety, but the path of folly destroys, wounds, and brings dishonor.

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