“The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but instruction of fools is folly.
The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious, and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”
Proverbs 16:21-24
As I read these verses I am reminded of Mary Poppins and her song, “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” Can you hear her singing the song in your head? When my kids were young and they needed to take medicine, it usually contained a lot of sugar. They didn’t mind taking it because it tasted good. The pharmacy or doctor’s office would ask what flavor they wanted their medicine to be. It seems like we always picked bubble gum.
Medicine that was necessary for my children’s health and well-being so that they could heal from whatever it was that ailed them, was made more palatable by the sweetness that was added to the medicine. Hence, Mary Poppins’ song, “A spoonful of sugar.”
How many times have you had something that needed to be said and instead of couching what was said with some sugar were just blunt and said what needed to be said. How did it go over? I can tell you from my firsthand experience that it didn’t go over well. If we were sitting together over a cup of tea (my beverage of choice), I think you would say the same thing.
So often we have the ability to see the blind spots of others, but we miss the opportunity to speak real truth into someone’s life because our words are not sweet, judicious, or gracious. What we say is not wrong but rather how we say it is. I must say I regret many modes of how I have communicated even though the message was not a wrong message.
Do you have a blind spot when you drive? I had a car that had a blind spot. I knew it was there and so I made sure that I was very aware when I was driving of that blind spot.
So often in our lives we have blind spots that need a parent, a spouse, a friend, a mentor, etc. to speak truth into our lives. The problem is that we may not like their method of communication because it lacks sweetness, judiciousness, or graciousness. Does that mean we should discount them because of their lack of sweetness? No. Does this mean that if we have the opportunity to speak truth into another’s life that we can say whatever we want however we want? NO!
I have the opportunity to be with the teens on Wednesday nights at church. Last Wednesday, I was struggling with a craft that everyone else was doing. After a while of struggling, I finally accomplished the craft only to find out that I still did it wrong. I started laughing at myself. One of the teens said, “Mrs. Dykema, I don’t think I have ever heard you laugh.” That really struck me. I was glad she felt comfortable enough to share that with me, and I hope that this year I laugh more.
When a truth must be shared with someone, what do we do?
- Spend time in prayer. Pray and talk to the Lord about what needs to be said and ask Him to give you wisdom in how to say what needs to be said.
- Check your motives. The purpose of speaking to another about something we have noticed is to help the other person. Be sure that your motives are pure and directed at helping the other person become more like Christ and not meant to satisfy your own selfish desires.
- Do you really have the other person’s best interest at heart? Too often we want our selfish desires met. If you are seeking to represent the Lord well in front of the other person, and you want the other person to grow in Christ then what comes out of your mouth should be sweet, judicious, and gracious.
- Be sure to reassure the other person that you love them and you want what is best for them. We must communicate these thoughts with the other person and then make sure that what we say reinforces this.
- Practice what you are going to say with a trustworthy person. Let them give you feedback on what you plan to say and how you plan to say it. They may also give you some things that the other person might say so you can be ready to continue speaking in a way that is sweet, judicious, and gracious. Too often if what we have to say is not well received, we get defensive and the sweetness and good intentions goes right out the window.
- Be courageous. It takes courage to say something that may cause offense to another and those words that were said may cause a break in a relationship. The other person does not want to hear what we have to say. I often liken this to crossing the street. We would never think twice if someone was going to cross the street and get hit by a car to tell them that a car was coming and they are going to get hit. We might even yell to get their attention, but the life we saved would not be mad at us for yelling. They would be grateful that we saved their life. Matters of life and decisions that are made are often not received as well so it takes courage. Again, do we truly love the other person? If we do, then we must have courage to speak up knowing the risk we are taking. Yet knowing, that what we say may bring about in the other person’s life some changes that will bring about for them things they didn’t know they were missing out on or needing. Speaking up may save them from self-destruction or terrible consequences.
I wish I could go back and say what I wanted to say in a way that communicated nothing but sweetness, judiciousness, graciousness, and love. Maybe the message would have been better received. We all have blind spots and it takes a trusted person to help us see those blind spots. In order to see our blind spots, we must be humble.
I pray that my response would always be one of sweetness, judiciousness, graciousness, love, and humility.
