A Crown or Rotten Bones

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

I have been listening to books this year. It is amazing to me how much listening time I have. One of my daughters has encouraged me to listen to some historical fiction, which has been some lighter listening than some of the other books I have listened to and the ones that I actually read the print on the page. I just finished a story set in the mid 1800’s about Empress Elisabeth “Sisi” married to Franz Joseph emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. His empire stretched from Austria to Russia and from Germany to Italy. It is a totally different life than I am certainly used to. Servants to do everything for her from fixing her meals to styling her hair. She doesn’t have to lift a finger. The people of the kingdom all love her, even though she is waited on by her servants. She is still a down to earth empress and became their most beloved “Fairy Queen.”

Our verse from Proverbs contrasts two different wives. The first wife mentioned is excellent and appears to be a crown to her husband. The second wife brings shame to her husband and can be compared to rotten bones.

Let’s talk about each of these separately. We will also spend much more time and in-depth study on this when we get to Proverbs 31. How does one go about being an excellent wife that is a crown to her husband? A crown is a beautiful adornment that adds beauty to the wearer. It is a symbol of power and majesty. One of the things that is important when a man and a woman meet and consider marriage is do they make each other better people? Do they point each other to Christ? Does each one challenge the other in their walk with the Lord encouraging them on to grow in the Lord? The closer our walk with the Lord is the better our lives will be. The closer we look like Christ, the better our relationship will be. Do you as the wife “spur your husband on to love and good works?” (Heb. 10:24).

One of the ways I have tried to adorn my husband is by being his assistant.  I still firmly believe that the husband should be the primary provider for the household income. So as his assistant or help meet, I do what I can to make it easier for my husband to do his job. If we need to have something repaired at the house, I do everything I can to make sure that I am at home when the service person arrives. I was the primary caretaker for our daughters. My husband would assist me, but he was busy with his job so it fell to me to care for them.

What do my words reflect about my husband? When I am in the presence of others, do I build my husband up or do I tear him down? Do I find something nice to say about him and then share those things with others? Or do I spew forth every sin that he has committed, every fault that irritates me, every choice that he makes that is not wrong just different?

Do I treat him with love and respect? Does he enjoy being around me because I encourage him and seek to bring out the best in him?

The wife who brings shame is the opposite of these things. She has nothing nice to say about him. Because of her words, her husband is not esteemed by others. She does not build him up before others so now others think the worst of him.

Our Proverb mentions rotten bones. A man that does not have the support of his wife cannot stand before others. His reputation is not one of strength or godly leadership, but one of weakness – rotten bones.

This wife is not looking out for the best interest of her family, but rather she is looking out for her own best interest. If her husband wants a hot meal on the table he must not only make the money to buy the food, but must also cook the food. There is no teamwork in this marriage, but rather the husband’s sole purpose in the wife’s eyes is to serve her. He cannot fulfill his God given leadership role in the home because his wife is too busy clamoring for her needs that she thinks needs to be met.

As a wife, I want to be an asset to my husband. I want him to be successful in what he does so I seek to serve him. I may not receive any praise or recognition for what I do, but he is able to accomplish more because I encourage him, fill in the gaps, and spur him on to lead like Christ.

I have not always loved my husband perfectly. I have not always been an adornment to his head, but my goal is to be excellent in what I do and say so that I don’t cause weakness in him.

Just as Sisi and Franz Joseph wore crowns that set them apart from those that were around them, so I must adorn my husband in a way that sets him apart from those he is with. I need to be his #1 cheerleader, encouraging him in all that he does. Do I listen to him when he needs a listening ear without judging? Do my actions adorn him and bring out the best in him? Do my words come back to him throughout his day and help him get through the tough things he has to do? Does he feel appreciated for all he does, so when his day is hard and long he knows it is all worth it because he is providing for us, providing for someone who appreciates what he does? Am I sympathetic to his struggles?

We as wives have great power. We can either cause strength or weakness, honor or dishonor, joy or sorrow. As a wife, look at your actions and your words. Where do you fall? If you do not know, ask your husband. I am sure he will readily tell you where you stand.