“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
Proverbs 17:27
I just finished reading a book called “The Heart of Anger” by Lou Priolo. It is a very practical book for parents as they navigate the challenges of raising children. The challenge we as parents have in parenting is that we are proud and self-centered trying to rear a child that also is proud and self-centered. At the heart of this, there is a dire need for Christ, the Gospel, and the Bible.
If we do not see our need for a Savior, the Gospel, the Bible, and the assistance of the Holy Spirit we will be woefully lacking in our ability to raise children that are God fearing and respectful people.
Our verse from Proverbs is an outflow of a person that is dependent on Christ, the Gospel, the Bible, and the assistance of the Holy Spirit. We cannot hope to have a cool spirit with restrained words, if we try to do this alone. Eventually, we will be like the volcano who ruptures and spews forth angry words of lava under all the pressure that is built up.
What must we do to keep our cool? This verse tells us we must have knowledge and be a man/woman of understanding. This tells me that we must be a thinking people rather than emotional reactive people. In so many situations that occur, we react rather than act. When we react, we allow our emotions to “drive the train” of our actions. When we act, we allow our biblically sanctified thoughts to “drive the train.”
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Be in the Word and in prayer daily
We must daily be in the Word and in prayer, so that we can “renew our minds.” (Rom. 12:2) if we are thinking thoughts that are godly we will be able to have a godly action in the midst of the circumstance. What drives us to react with our emotions is our pride and selfishness. We feel like someone is threatening what we want, what we desire. If we angrily lash out at someone for something they say or do, or we inwardly seethe with distaste for the other person because of their words or actions then we know that we have acted out of selfishness and pride.
We need the Bible and prayer to daily biblically inform us of the kind of people that we are. We need the Bible and prayer to help us daily “Prepare our minds for action.” (I Peter 1:13).
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Evaluate your words, your tone, and your volume
“…he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” (Prov. 17:27). The cool spirited person knows what Scripture says about his speech. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Prov. 15:1). This cool spirited person knows that it is sin to speak in a way that is not gentle, raises their voice, and inflicts verbal harm to their listener. This cool spirited man/woman does not let his pride/self-centeredness get in the way of the conversation, but rather seeks to understand the other person. This cool spirited person knows that blowing up or sulking during the conversation does not solve the problem, but rather escalates the problem.
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Seek to understand the other person not control them
If we blow up or sulk in the midst of the conversation, we are trying to control the other person or the situation so that we can get what we want. We are willing to sacrifice honoring God in this relationship on the altar of the idols of our hearts. We so desperately want what we want, that we are willing to yell, say unkind words, or sulk so that our idol can be worshipped. We are willing to sacrifice the relationship, so that we can satisfy our desire for control. If we desire to glorify God and represent Him well to all that we come in contact with, we will seek to understand them and what is happening in their hearts. The cool person’s desire is not to get what they want, but rather to glorify God.
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Glorify God and represent Him well
The other person may very well not be happy with us and what we did or what we said. We must evaluate our hearts and our motives and see if there is a “log in our eye” (Mt. 7:3) that must be removed. Then we must evaluate the “speck” (Mt. 7:3) that is in our friend’s eye. None of this can be done if we do not have a cool spirit.
It is easy to be a “Hot-tempered” (Prov. 29:22) person. The cool spirited person seeks to understand other people. Why does the cool spirited man want to understand others? He wants to glorify God. How does He keep a cool spirit? The cool spirited person knows that s/he needs Jesus, the Gospel, the bible, the Holy Spirit, and to deny themselves. We cannot be cool spirited if we do not deny ourselves.
The next time you encounter a disagreement with another person, remember that the cool spirited person comes from a desire to understand the other person, not to be understood. In order to do this, we must deny ourselves.
