Month: August 2023

23
Aug
2023

Life or Brokenness

“A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger.

The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,

But the mouths of fools pour out folly.

A gentle tongue is a tree of life,

But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”

Proverbs 15:1, 2, 4

The tongue is often the topic of Proverbs. Proverbs 15 starts off reminding us that the tongue is a powerful instrument. James likens the tongue in Chapter 3 to a horse’s bridle, a ship’s rudder, and a fire. These things seem so small and yet they are powerful instruments. A horse’s bridle weighs about 2 pounds, and a horse weighs 900 to 1200 pounds. A ship’s rudder is about 1/100 the size of the boat. A fire starts with just a spark, but can cause catastrophic damage.

Small things that control big things.

The tongue is about 3 inches. Yet, its power is great. James says the tongue is as powerful as a bridle, a rudder, and a fire. Proverbs says that the tongue can turn away wrath, stir up anger, break a spirit, or be like a tree of life. The tongue has great power.

The tongue does not have a mind and a will of its own. Rather, a tongue only does what our brain and our hearts tells it to do. If we are eating an ice cream cone, our brains tell our tongues to lick. If our brain is telling our tongues to speak words of kindness or harsh words, then that is what will come out.

The tongue is a vehicle or an instrument that is controlled by our brains. Let’s see what Jesus had to say about this topic.

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45).

If you ever wonder what is in someone’s heart, listen to what they say. If you ever wonder what a person values, listen to their words. Our verses in Proverbs tell us though that we should not just listen to their words, but we must also listen to how they say their words. What is the tone of voice that is used in spilling forth words?

Will Jesus hold us accountable for not just our words, but also for our tone of voice when we say the words? It seems like our Proverbs verse would say, “Yes.”

Have you had a conversation with someone and what you heard and what their tone said did not match? Which will you more likely believe? The words or the tone? I think we would all agree that we would listen to the tone of a person’s voice along with their words, but hold with more weight their tone. Have you ever been dismissed by someone when you asked them, “Why are you so angry?” And their reply to you was, “I’m not angry.” Yet, their tone would indicate otherwise.

Our tongues hold great power not just with what we say, but also with how we say it. Our tongues can do great harm and also provide great healing.

Our tongue betrays our desires. Our tongues are a window to what our hearts are wanting. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. The tongue is the window to your desires, to your heart, to what you worship. If you are worshipping what you want, then your tongue and the tone of voice you use to express your thoughts will betray what you are worshipping.

In the midst of a heated argument with another person, are you really interested in what the other person has to say and what they want? Or are you interested in what you want and how you can get your way and your point across? As we verbally assault each other, we show how foolish we are and we break the other person’s spirit or others that may be verbal casualties to our knock down drag out tongue thrashing.

The Bible is so clear in helping us to see what our sin does to other people. It also helps us to see what our sin does to us.

Have you been guilty of speaking in a way that leaves verbal casualties in your wake? Have you ever thought that “they will get over it?” It’s in the past and I don’t need to seek forgiveness for what I have said or how I have said it. Proverbs 15:4 says that our tongues can break a spirit. If we break a window with our ball, do we need to seek restitution? Then why do we think that our words or our tones don’t need to be forgiven?

How many people are carrying around a great weight of grief and pain over words that have been spoken in a tone that was not gentle? Those words and those tones are a weight. Confession and seeking forgiveness goes a long way at bringing restoration to relationships. Broken relationships bring great pain to everyone involved. These broken relationships were caused by a careless tongue, but a gentle tongue could restore that relationship and cause it to grow and flourish like a tree of life.

As one of the Pastors in my life said, “It’s always your turn.” In other words, if you have caused harm to another because of your words or your tone, go ask for forgiveness and bring healing to that relationship. If you have been harmed by another’s words or tone, go and let them know the pain they have caused you. Maybe they don’t even know the pain they have caused.

Will your tongue bring life or brokenness?

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
16
Aug
2023

All Clear

“In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence,

 And his children will have a refuge.

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life,

 That one may turn away from the snares of death.”

Proverbs 14:26, 27

 

 

As a child our first introduction to being afraid is often times related to their being monsters under our bed or in the basement. How many siblings have sent their siblings before them to check and see if there were monsters hiding in the closet or going to jump out at them when they went into the basement? I know my girls did thisJ  Now as adults, we may have something that we are afraid of though we may not verbalize what that exactly is or may not even be aware of that thing we are fearful of.

These verses referring to the “fear of the Lord” is not telling us that when we are afraid of God we will have confidence. Those two thoughts seem to be an oxymoron of sorts. When we are afraid we will have confidence. Usually, when we are afraid we lack confidence. Remember the sibling sending their sibling in to check under the bed, in the closet, or down the basement stairs to check to make sure it was safe? There was no confidence in what could have been only confidence in the “all clear” from the sibling.

The “fear of the Lord” means to reverence or hold the Lord in the highest of esteem. So we might ask ourselves how holding the Lord in the highest of esteem will produce confidence in our lives. Let’s go back to the example of my daughters. The one who was afraid had confidence in the one who gave the “all clear.” She trusted in what her sister told her. She had faith in the words of the sister who declared “all was clear.”

So we can have confidence in life if we trust in the Lord and follow His commands. Do we live by the principles that He has given to us in His Word, or do we live how we think we ought to live?

As we live out our lives daily following the principles that God has given us in His Word, we will have confidence. When we choose to live life adverse to the principles in God’s Word, we will live in fear.

Our next verse likens the fear of the Lord to a fountain. Have you ever been so thirsty and all you could think about was a cool glass of refreshing water? When we fear the Lord, we are satiating the desires that our heart is seeking for satisfaction. We think that if we obey the Lord then we cannot have what we want and our needs will not be met. When we believe this, we are believing a lie. God is our Creator and who better to tell us what we need and how to live then our Creator.

Have you ever put something together or gotten out the operator’s manual so you knew how to put that thing together or how to operate your new gadget? We may even watch a YouTube video so we better know how to operate our new gadget or put together our new item. One wouldn’t look at the instructions for a highchair when you are trying to put together a crib. Each has it’s own individual instruction manual. So it is when we try to live life without looking at what God’s Word says in how we are to live. When we try to do things our own way and not follow after God’s way of doing things, we will lack confidence and our thirst will never be quenched.

When we fear God, we want to know what God says about how we are to live life so we can have confidence in living. Wouldn’t you rather get the “all clear” from God who made you in His Image rather than something else that will lead you astray?

Fearing God takes trust that He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. So it took my daughters trusting in their siblings that when they said it was “all clear” it really was “all clear.” I never did hear anybody screaming through my house that there was something scary in the closet, under the bed, or in the basement. The coast was always clear.

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09
Aug
2023

Simple or Prudent? Wise or Foolish?

The simple believes everything,

But the prudent gives thought to his steps.

One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil,

But a fool is reckless and careless.”

Proverbs 14:15, 16

We all have many choices and decisions that we make throughout our days. Many of these decisions that we make are made without much conscious thought. The choices that we make daily without conscious thought have become habits in our lives. There are many books written on developing good habits, but the basis of many of our choices are based on habit. My husband gets up for work at the same time every day, walks on the treadmill, takes a shower, has a glass of OJ, and heads to work. He no longer gives a lot of thought to these activities because they have become habits in his life.

We all know the people that have habits that we would consider reckless and careless: poor diet choices, poor entertainment choices, no exercise choice, poor relationship choices, etc.

Our verses from Proverbs today start and end with the simple and the fool. The simple person is someone who is gullible. They are easily led astray usually by their desires. They think that if the desires of their heart are met they will find peace, satisfaction, and happiness. They hope that the infomercial about the next great weight loss pill will solve all of their weight struggles. They believe anything that anyone tells them and think that what they are told will meet all their needs.

This simple, gullible person is easily led astray. They are taken advantage of often and those that are manipulators love this simple gullible person. The manipulator will have a follower in the simple. The simple will have someone who they think “cares” for them. Only too often, the manipulator is taking advantage of the simple.

In order to not be simple and not be gullible, we must seek to surround ourselves with those that are prudent and wise. We must consider the end result of the decision we are deciding to make. Will this thing that I buy actually give the promised results? If I eat this extra scoop of ice cream, am I making a healthy wise choice? If I spend time watching TV, playing this video game, or scrolling through social media am I using my time wisely when there are many chores that need to be done?

The prudent and the wise person thinks before acting and decides if the choice they are making will produce God honoring results or results that are fleeting. So many people are seeking happiness, satisfaction, and having their needs met only to find out that the temporal things they are seeking to satisfy these needs will never give to them what they had hoped. The wise and prudent person sees and understands this. The wise and prudent person understands that God and a relationship with Jesus is the only thing that will satisfy. The wise and prudent person understands that the Bible is the manual for how to live life, not their fleeting desires.

The fool is reckless and careless because they think that the fleeting desires they have will be satisfied by temporal things. Look at the lives of the rich and the famous. They seem to have all that the world has to offer – fame, fortune, and power – yet they are usually looking for more. Drugs, alcohol, illicit relationships, and possessions are what they keep turning to thinking that what is around the corner will satisfy. Yet, it never does.

Spend some time evaluating your life. What are your habits? Are you spending time in God’s Word each day seeking to live according to God’s standard for joy? Or are you known to frequent some external pleasure to provide the satisfaction you are looking for, only to be let down one more time because “it” did not satisfy?

Are you simple or prudent? Wise or foolish?

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02
Aug
2023

Love or Hate

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24

 

Hate is a strong word. We can define “hate” as strong and passionate dislike for someone. There are many children that suffer from hate by their parents. They are abused and not taken care of. Their basic needs are not met, and they suffer from parents that are so self-absorbed they feel unloved and uncared for. These self-absorbed parents have no capacity to love their children because they spend all of their time focusing in themselves and how they might get the love and attention they feel like they deserve.

There are other parents who are the focus of this verse who think that discipline is a form of child abuse and so they do not say no to their children or provide any discipline in their lives. These parents let the children rule the home.

We have all seen these households as well. The parents will buy the child whatever they want and give in to the whims of the child. These children have no structure, guidelines, or discipline in their lives. The child rules the house.

The problem with this kind of parenting is that the children want structure, discipline, and guidelines. They want to feel loved, cared for, and safe. These parents think that when a child protests to the rules that it is easier to give in to the child rather than to hold their ground. When a spanking is needed or a “no” to a request is necessary, the parents give in when the child does not meekly submit to authority.

All children want to feel safe, cared for, and loved. They want to know what is expected of them even when they put up an argument or have a temper tantrum.

I like to look at discipline as a fence. We have raised multiple dogs and when these dogs are outside they are either on a leash or inside a fence. The purpose of the leash and the fence is for their protection. They pull on the leash and try to get outside of the fence whenever possible because they think that outside of these boundaries provides more fun and excitement and more smells than when confined. Yet, we all know that a pet that runs away has a very real chance of getting hit by a car. The fence and the leash for our dogs provide protection even though they didn’t understand this.

Discipline in the form of spanking, teaching, privileges removed, etc are each a form of protection for the child. The child does not understand these things in the moment, but the parents need to keep the end in mind. What kind of child do you want at the end of your raising journey?

A child may not tell you they feel loved and cared for when they are being disciplined. They may think that they are being abused.

One of our daughters as she grew older continued to push against the rules and guidelines that we had for her. I noticed that when I held my ground and continued to discipline her and not give in to her pleas and cries, she was happier. When I gave in to her pleas and cries, she was unhappy. The purpose of discipline is not happiness, but it is a welcome by-product of the discipline process.

When a child knows what is expected of him or her, and they know the consequences for not following these expectations they will be happier and healthier children. Children that do not know what is expected of them will live in fear. They will wonder what will cause their parent so to get angry with them.

When children do not understand and do not know what is expected of them, when there are no boundaries, they become fearful children. When children get whatever it is they want in order to pacify them, they become selfish children. They think the world revolves around them. Either one of these negative scenarios has consequences as they move on into adulthood. They struggle in relationships. They struggle in their jobs. They will struggle in their relationship with their parents.

Parenting is a hard job. It takes work, sacrifice, communication, intentionality, grace, humility, and forgiveness. Too many parents get caught in the trap of trying to do too many things as they raise their children. They then fall into the trap of not disciplining because it takes too much time.

As I look back on my days of raising our daughters, I don’t regret all that I gave up to be a stay at home mom. There are some things I wish I would have done better, and some things I wish I would have done a clearer job at communicating. I do not regret disciplining them. Self-control is best taught as they grow rather than them trying to learn it now.

Love your children enough to discipline them and do not spare the rod for their crying. Whenever I would spank my children, I always made sure that I was not angry. We would talk about the offense. They would pray and ask God to forgive them for the sin that they committed. They always had to seek the forgiveness of the person they had offended or wronged. We always ended in a hug. Many times my heart was hurting, but I knew that this moment was what was best for them.

 

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments