Month: May 2023

24
May
2023

Pot-stirrer or Peacemaker?

Hatred stirs up strife

But love covers all offenses

Proverbs 10:12

 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “that person is a pot-stirrer?”  The person being referred to in the saying usually creates chaos in their wake. They go to a family gathering, a party, or a co-worker and what ensues after being with them is disagreements, shouting matches, or strained relationships. After being in the presence of the pot-stirrer, one often leaves feeling hurt, misunderstood, or offended. They give off a sense of uneasiness. Other people are never quite sure of what they are going to get when they are in the presence of said “pot-stirrer.”

Why do you suppose that the “pot-stirrer” is like this? Why do they like to create drama and stress in the situations and relationships in their lives? Proverbs 10:12 tells us. They have hatred in their hearts. Rather than see others as people to love and cherish, they see others as a means to an end. These “pot-stirrers” are self-centered and want to always be the center of the conversation, the party, the family gathering, or the work environment. When they are not getting what they want, they create drama through gossip, arguments, or other attention getting measures so that the attention goes from others to them.

The opposite of hatred is love.  These lovers are peacemakers. They are the kindest people you ever wanted to meet. They see the best in every situation and are always looking for ways to encourage others and love them. They see the best in every situation and even when provoked they return with kind and considerate words. Their tone of voice is always gentle and their eyes sparkle with care and joy when in the presence of anyone. They always make you feel like you are the most important person in the room and when you leave their presence you feel lighter and have a smile on your face and a lilt in your step.

I remember a conversation I had with someone that lived out “love covers all offenses.” As we were talking, I was relating a mistake that I had made and the effect that it had on what we were working on. By the time we were finished talking, the kind lady made me feel like the error I had made was actually her error. I knew that it was me that had done the wrong, but I walked away feeling refreshed and joyful. I purposed after that to stop seeing every error not from my perspective but from the other person’s perspective. To give grace instead of humiliation in the presence of others that had committed a wrong or an offense.

When we determine to cover an offense, we breathe life into the relationship. We breathe life into the other person. We communicate through our actions that we love the other person and do not condemn them for the wrongs they have committed. I am not saying that when a crime is committed that we pretend the crime wasn’t committed and let the criminal keep carrying out their crimes. This does not show them love. This allows them to continue down a path of destruction.  This is not helpful for the individual.  There needs to be punishment for the crime, but their does not need to be bitterness over the crimes of the past.

What kind of person are you? Would your friends or family members call you a “pot-stirrer” or a peacemaker? Do you create chaos in your wake or do others feel encouraged when leaving your presence? Do others feel refreshed after being in your presence or do they feel like you always suck the wind out of their sails?

I have been in the presence of both of these kinds of people, and at the end of the day I want to be a peacemaker. I want to be the person that refreshes those that have spent time with me.

Hatred or love. Stirring or covering. Strife or peace.

The choice is up to you.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 2 comments
10
May
2023

Are you wise or a scoffer?

My husband and I were out with our daughters last week. We had eaten together and after dinner my husband told one of our daughters that she had something in her teeth. This has happened to most of us. Maybe we didn’t have something in our teeth, maybe it was something on our face or on our clothes. Why is that we didn’t know about these things in our teeth, on our face, or on our clothes? We couldn’t see them. What about the time you walk out with a black sock and a blue sock on? Again, we got dressed in the dark and didn’t see that the colors were not the same. So often we are “blinded” because we aren’t in front of a mirror, aren’t looking for the stain on our clothes, or are in the dark when we get dressed.

Life is the same.

What does Proverbs have to say about when we point out flaws, correct, or reprove someone?

Proverbs 9:7-9 “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man and he will increase in learning.”

A scoffer is someone who expresses contempt to others. So when you point out to a scoffer things you see in their life that is a poor choice, a character flaw, or a sin they will not receive what you have to say to them about them with kind reception. Rather, they will respond poorly. They may verbally abuse you. They may reject you and the relationship that you had with them. They do not accept what you have to say. As a matter of fact, they will do everything in their power to prove you wrong.

They do not see you as someone that can objectively see the ketchup on their face or the food in your teeth, rather they think that you do not know what you are talking about and have the wrong perspective. They refuse to listen to what you have to say and think that they know much better than you do about their life. They refuse to look introspectively to see the “thing” that you are bringing to their attention.

What kind of injury do you receive from the wicked man? (Prov. 9:7). When we open our mouths and point out something in someone’s life that they do not see, we risk losing the relationship. We risk losing a good friend that we enjoyed living life with. We risk losing that family member that we spent time making many memories together. Holidays are no longer the same because they refuse to be a part. Maybe the person that we risked pointing out the sin, the blind spot, or a poor choice will take to social media and spew forth unkind things about us. Maybe they will gossip and tell a tale about us that is not true in order to get back at us for what we said. They want to injure our reputation. So they poor forth lies about us. We may be injured. Our reputation may be injured. Unfortunately for them, they are so busy trying to prove you wrong, that they end up injuring themselves.

What will a wise man or woman do when they are given instruction? They will gladly accept it. They will appreciate the fact that you had the courage to risk the relationship to point out to them the sin, the blind spot, or the poor choice that they are making. The righteous man or woman will gladly look introspectively into their life and see the things that you noticed and appreciate you for having the courage to speak up. Since you did have the courage to speak truth into their lives, rather than harming the relationship, the relationship will be stronger and better for the instruction that you gave.

So my question for you dear friend is this: Which person are you? When someone reproves you, what do you do? Do you pour out abuse on the poor person that spoke up? Do you gladly receive the rebuke from someone and seek to change so that you can be more conformed to the image of God’s Son? A scoffer is proud and a wise person is humble. Do some introspection and ask the Lord to help you see with new eyes the kind of person you are. After all, that piece of food that is between your teeth left there will be unattractive, but if removed will make you more pleasant to be looked on by others. So it is with rebuke. Seek the Lord.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments
03
May
2023

Peace or Distress?

Have you ever said about yourself or about someone else, “that was a dumb mistake?” When we look at another’s life, we easily can see what decision they should have made. When we look at our own lives we tend to be clouded in our judgement in the midst of a decision. Later on, when we look over the same situation, we say, “what was I thinking?”

Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 have quite the contrast between wisdom and folly. In the midst of the scene that is set for us in Proverbs 7, the young man that is mentioned would not say in the moment, “this is a dumb mistake.” Rather, he is being led along by his fleshly desires.

Proverbs 7 sets the scene for the forbidden woman. These characteristics that are laid out for us can apply to many different foolish decisions that we make.

This scene in Proverbs 7 is set at night. Jesus said in John 3:19 “…men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil.” Foolishly, we think that if we participate in satisfying our fleshly desires in the dark or at night, they will less likely be seen. However, God is not blinded by darkness. “For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” (John 3:20).

The characteristics that define this forbidden woman are smooth/flattering words (7:5), wiley of heart (7:10), wayward (7:11), not a keeper at home (7:11), lies in wait for her victims (7:12), has a form of godliness (7:14), seductive (7:16, 17), illicit means of satisfying her fleshly desires (7:18), and plots and plans her deception (7:19, 20).

The key here is deception or lies. She wants the simple to believe the same lies that she believes. The more someone else believes her lies, the better she gets at telling them. These principles do not just apply to a man that is being seduced into an adulterous relationship with a woman.

These principles can also be applied to a woman that is being seduced by her sin. We all have desires that we are trying to get satisfied. We believe the lie that our desires must be satisfied and we must do whatever it takes to have our desires satisfied.

Proverbs 8 is the contrast to Proverbs 7 and shows us the characteristics of wisdom. The words that a wise person uses are wise and understanding words. These words that wisdom desires to share are not hidden or spoken in secret. “Wisdom cries aloud in the heights, beside the way, at the crossroads, beside the gates, and at the entrance of the town.” (Proverbs 8:1, 2).

The words of the wise seek to educate the simple or those they are with (8:5). The wise also speak words of truth and righteousness (8:7, 8).

So the contrast between those that are walking on the path of foolishness vs. the path of wisdom is seen in our actions and our words. Underlying all of these are our thoughts. What thoughts are you thinking?  I will do whatever needs to be done so that my desires can be satisfied. The adulterous woman has a form of godliness (“I offered my sacrifices” Prov. 7:14) making others think that she is a good woman when in reality she is covering the sin in her heart with outward actions that are a form of godliness.

The way of the wise do not hide the truth. They are willing to tell whoever will listen to them what the truth is.

What thoughts characterize your life? Are you seeking to satisfy your desires and believing lies or are you searching for the truth? Wisdom does not hide what it thinks, but the deceived tell things in secret. What is the result of listening to folly? You will injure yourself. Foolish choices produce injury and impact someone for the rest of their life. Wise choices give us life and produce fruit in our life that begets more wise choices.

The young man that went the way of the adulterous will find it easier the next time to turn onto her path. The person who tells one lie will find it easier the next time to tell a lie. The person who drinks alcohol or looks at pornography or whatever foolish choice will find it easier to go down that path again. The more sin we commit the more deceived we are into thinking this is the only way my desires will be satisfied. Rather than experiencing peace and satisfaction we will experience disharmony, agitation, and distress.

Those that choose the path of wisdom will continue to follow that path because the wise choices bring peace. Wisdom begets life, peace, joy, and favor from the Lord.

Are you experiencing peace or discontentment? Are the choices that you are making producing life or causing you injury?

“And now, O sons, listen to me: blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise and do not neglect it. Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates and waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord, but he who fails to find me injures himself and all who hate me love death.” (Proverbs 8:32-26).

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments