Month: March 2020

A Homeschool Mom Perspective

Mamas and Daddies…parents…or anyone that is struggling with this situation we are in….what an unprecedented time we live in. We have such an opportunity to teach our children so many things through this challenging part of history we are living. Those of you parents that already homeschool know what to do-your life has not changed that much. As a Mom of three homeschool graduates, I had my girls home with me all the time, and I loved every minute of it. Those of you that are used to sending your children to school and are having a hard time managing a job from home and the children at home, please let me offer a little assistance to you as you are now home with your children.

Schedule

You must have a schedule. Do not attempt to go through your days without a schedule. Start at the beginning of the day and put everyone on a schedule. Everyone needs to get up at the same time every day. Everyone needs to go to bed at the same time. If you as a parent got up at 6:00 and the kids got up at 7:00, keep the same schedule. There can be some adjusting since there is not any transportation time that is needed. The goal here is to be consistent. The same with bedtime. Keep it consistent. Then schedule the rest of your day, and post it so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them.

Together Time

Since everyone is in the house together, make the most of it. As part of your schedule, plan all meals to eat together. During mealtimes, talk together. If you feel like you don’t know what else to talk about since everyone knows what everyone else is doing then go online and find some questions. This link has 100+ questions that can be asked at mealtime. Make mealtime a fun time together that brings good conversation and laughter. We all need to laugh during this serious and difficult time. https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/100-mealtime-questions

Alone Time

Your together time will be so much more enjoyable if everyone has time to be alone. Make this a priority. Everyone needs to go to their room or somewhere in the house and spend time alone. This can be time to read a book, do schoolwork, write letters to friends, take up a new hobby, read your Bible and pray, etc. The time that everyone spends together will be so much better if everyone spends time alone. Let’s admit, after a while even our sweetest sister, spouse, or friend gets on our nerves if we are together all the time. Spend time alone. Schedule this in everyone’s day. This alone time is a perfect time for parents to get their work done that they need to do for their jobs.

Read a Book Out Loud Together

Some of my favorite memories with my girls was our time together when I would read out loud to them. The characters in those books became friends and became part of our conversation and a part of our everyday life. One of our favorite series to read aloud was “The Chronicles of Narnia.” I know that our library is closed down and we cannot check books out, but hopefully you have some good books at home or you can rent them online from the library. I am currently listening to a book on tape from the library, but you can also get a book from the library and download it on your hand held device and begin reading it out loud. Again, this needs to be part of your schedule.

Play Outside

The children and the parents need time outside. I used to make my girls go outside and play every day. Two of them liked to be outside and one of them did not. We always called her our indoor flower, but she still had to go outside. If she decided she didn’t want to play outside, then she could take her book outside and read. The point is that we all need fresh air. Especially during this time of a pandemic, we all need fresh air. So go outside and play ball or foursquare or swing on the swings in your backyard or make a fort. There are so many fun things, and this will give your children the chance to be creative.

Miscellaneous Time

What other things can be part of your schedule? Do a puzzle together or separately. We would pick puzzles according to the girls skill level and they would have a puzzle contest to see who could put their puzzle together first. Do a scavenger hunt. When our second daughter was born, my oldest always needed a little bit of entertainment during feeding time, so I came up with a game she could play. The game is called the touching game. I give her an object and she had to go touch it and come back. Then I would give her second object, then she had to touch the first object and then go touch the second object, etc. They get a little exercise and they learn words and objects. This game has become such a hit that my daughters have played it with their friends. It is something to play this game with 7 teens and for me as the object giver to try to remember what objects I gave to whom so they didn’t touch the same thing or I didn’t send any of them in the same direction. Play other games together, such as board games.

The Week-end

Do things a little different on the week-end. Make a schedule, but make it with some different things. The children can help you clean the house, work in the yard, plant a garden, cook some meals. This is the perfect time to teach them a new hobby that you want them to share with you.

Redeem the Time

The word “redeem” means to rescue or to buy back. Make the most of this time. Don’t look at it this time of quarantine as a negative, look at it as a positive. Be creative in the way you manage your time. Don’t get caught wasting time. Just because there is so much free time does not mean that we should waste it. Make the most of it. Rescue or redeem your time from being wasted. I want to say again, make a schedule. You will be so glad you did. A schedule is similar to a crib for a baby. A crib is used to keep the baby from falling out of bed-it is for the baby’s protection. A schedule will help your children to feel safe and secure because they know exactly what to expect out of their day. It will also minimize the amount of times you hear, “I’m bored.” Those words were not permitted at our house.

Dear parents, this situation that we are all in can be used in our lives and the lives of our children in a mighty way. Make the most of it. Redeem the time.

(The picture with this post is my Grandma teaching our daughters (Denise, middle daughter pictured) how to sew.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments

Prayer and Peace

As I sit here in the peace and tranquility of my house looking out the windows at the beautiful sunshine, I so appreciate the calm that I enjoy here. Only a few hours ago, I was out in the chaos with more shoppers at Sam’s Club than I had ever seen and more empty shelves at Meijer than I had ever seen. People in the stores wearing masks and gloves. The news awash with “school closings, restaurant closings, virtual meetings” and canceled gatherings of more than 10 people depending on what state you live in. We are all living in this historical moment. The moment that our children or grandchildren will read and study about in the history books.

What I think everyone needs is a little perspective.

God is Sovereign

First, we all need to realize that God is sovereign. No matter what happens, God is on the throne and He is not surprised by any of this. We can trust Him and know that He always has a purpose for all things that happen to us. We may not like anything about any of this, but we do know that nothing is outside of God’s control. God “works all things according the counsel of His will.” (Eph. 1:11).

Wash your hands

Second, as with any other sickness, the same hygienic rules need to apply. WASH YOUR HANDS! It is proven that washing your hands is better than using hand sanitizer. If there is no way to wash your hands, then use hand sanitizer. Also, if you are sick, stay home and keep your germs to yourself. This is one instance where selfishness is preferred.

Don’t panic

Third, don’t panic. “God has NOT given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control.” (II Tim. 1:7). When I was at the store today, I did not see any fighting or brawling but there definitely was fear. The biggest fear that most have is the fear of the unknown. No one knows how long this is going to last for or what the outcome will be. Let’s be examples to others and not live in fear.

Be respectful

Fourth, when did it become okay to disrespect those in authority over us? I know that no President has ever been perfect but I do think that President Trump is doing his best to serve our country well. He has advisors around him that give him sound advice. It is sad that he was so criticized for his speech that he gave closing down flights to Europe. I heard he wasn’t sympathetic enough or caring enough for the predicament of the American people. I feel so bad for President Trump. Constant criticism and yet I wonder how much sleep he gets, how much time to rest, how much time to enjoy dinner with his family. There seems to always be one crises after another. I think we should be praying for our leaders rather than constantly criticizing them. I am glad that they are working at trying to do their best at protecting the American people. The leaders of our countries are not making arbitrary decisions, they are making decision that are informed.

Let’s be people of prayer and peace. I Timothy 2:1-3 tells us to “…pray…for kings and all who are in high positions, and that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. For this is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior.”

Let’s be people of prayer and peace.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 1 comment

I confess I…

“Sorry.” Is this word quick to come off our lips? Not even “I am sorry, but just “sorry.” When someone has wronged you or hurt you, does saying a quick “sorry” make you feel like they really do realize the pain they have caused you? Does that one word invoke a response on your part? There is no question, so rather than an “I forgive you” we usually say “it’s okay.” Is it really okay?

Do we teach our children the proper way to make an offense right? Is it something we have put effort into and have been intentional with? If we have more than one child there are bound to be multiple opportunities to work on teaching these children the proper way to say “I am sorry.”

When our girls were young, our dining room was the place of correction and discipline. We would go in the dining room after the offender was found out and talk about the offense. We would talk about why it was wrong. The offender would pray “Dear God, I am sorry I hit my sister. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” Then there would be some punishment. Then the offender had to go talk to her sister (we only had girls) and say the same thing. “I am sorry I hit you. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” The offended sister would say “yes.” And then they had to hug each other. (I think the hugging was their least favorite part.)

A few weeks ago, an incident happened and it was all captured and sent to me thanks to Snap Chat. First, I received a video of the offense.  Next, the offender said “What did Mom teach us…I am sorry I (she named the offense) …I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” I was tickled to hear that they remembered what I had taught them and used it. The only part they forgot was the hug.

After some study over the last few months regarding forgiveness, I would tweak a little bit of what I would teach my daughters. Now I would have them say, “I confess I hit you. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?”

(Just to be clear in my example from a few weeks ago, there was no hitting.)

“Confess” means to “say the same thing.” Both sisters knew that one hit the other. It is like they are agreeing about what the offender did. “Sorry” can have a meaning of feeling bad only because you were caught. When we are confessing to another, we are saying the same thing about our offense. What we did was wrong. We know and so does the one that has been offended.

Wouldn’t forgiveness be so much easier if the person that hurt us, provided us with a genuine expression of their feelings for their wrong doing?

Too often today I hear parents tell their kids to say they are sorry. No punishment. No time spent explaining how the process needs to go. No teaching time in the midst of the correction. So the kid who offended looks at the other kid (if they are lucky) who was hurt by the offender and says “sorry.”

Just a measly little offhanded “sorry.” What kind of message does that convey to either one of these children? That I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I just have to say “sorry” and I can keep doing what I want.

This weak system we have developed is not helping make our children less selfish, rather it is making them more. We do not have to teach most of our children to be selfish, rather we have to teach them to look out for the needs of others and be kind and considerate to others.

If we began to deal with each incident in a way that helped the offender to see that their actions harmed another individual and they need to take ownership of that wrong, we might have a different society.

It is never too late to start teaching your children. There may be some pushback, but be strong parents and hold your ground. Someday, they may do something to you, and if you have taught them the correct way to verbalize their wrong, they may look at you and say “Mom/Dad, I confess I did … I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” At that moment, all the work you put into it will make it worth it.

Posted by ddykema5@gmail.com in The Seasons of Motherhood, 0 comments